


to dream of the stars

by gottalovev



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Modern Setting, Mutual Pining, Not Really Character Death, POV Alternating, Past Relationship(s), Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, alternate universe - astronauts, inaccuracies in astronaut training, sex in microgravity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 13:57:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gottalovev/pseuds/gottalovev
Summary: Fifteen years after a summer romance at Space Academy that left them brokenhearted, Steve and Tony meet again as astronaut candidates.





	to dream of the stars

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [To dream of the stars - ilustrations](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11063217) by [Wolviecat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolviecat/pseuds/Wolviecat). 



> For the Reverse Big Bang 2017 of the [Cap-Ironman](http://cap-ironman.livejournal.com) community! 
> 
> This fic was inspired by the fabulous art by Wolviecat that can be found [on AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11063217/) and [Tumblr](http://wolviecat.tumblr.com/post/161316136769/my-illustration-for-captain-americairon-man) (spoilers for the fic). I'll link to the art in the End Notes too, and please go tell her how amazing she is!
> 
> Also before you start: I researched, but this fic does not reflect the complexity of real astronauts training. I had to make shortcuts to move the fic along, so all of my apologies for the inaccuracies.

Steve keeps counting the beat as his feet hit the treadmill: one two, one two, one two. He had zoned out, lost in the repetition, but he's brought back to awareness by something moving in his peripheral vision. Oh, it's only Peter, moving towards his second computer. Due to losing time, Steve doesn't know if the test is almost done or not: he's warm, but not tired. Not that he gets tired these days and Steve can't help it and grins under the mask measuring his breathing. The serum really changed his life. It's been eighteen months and he still can't believe how much he can push his new body. Not breaking his stride, Steve snaps his fingers until Peter turns to him, confused, and Steve taps his wrist, asking for the time.

"Oh! Just as sec." Peter leans towards his computer and nods. "A quarter to two. See, I knew you could add fifteen minutes at this rhythm no problem."

Steve could have told him this, fifteen more minutes is nothing. Heck, he could keep up this cadence for hours, he's sure of it. But then he registers the actual time and he rips the breathing mask from his face and hops down the treadmill.

"A quarter to two!" Steve exclaims. "Dammit Peter, I told you I had to stop at 1330 at the latest!"

Peter looks confused for a second, nose crunching, before the situation dawns on him. "Oh! Oh no! I am so sorry! Fuck, I really wanted to go too!"

Steve has whipped off his training t-shirt – it is a little damp, he's been running at fifteen miles per hour for an hour, after all – and pats himself down with a towel. He was supposed to have time for a two-minute shower before making it to the presentation, but now he barely has time to find a change of clothes. A blue NASA t-shirt and sweats will have to do, sadly. Once dressed Steve pockets his phone and hurries to the auditorium where they'll get the demo for the new propulsion system, Peter by his side.

"The invite said it would be someone from R&D who'd come and give us the specs," Peter is babbling. "But I heard that he's actually coming in person! Here! Today!"

Steve would ask what Peter is going on about, but he's still debating what is the more impolite: to show at the demo dressed as a slob, or to be 10 minutes late. Since he really _really_ needs to know in detail how the new propulsion system will work, he decides that slob is acceptable. They are not even in the room and Steve can hear Fury talking –thank you, serum- and they are genuinely late. It sucks because if Director Fury is acting as presenter, it shows how valued the up until now just whispered about new tech is to NASA. Peter pushes the door open for them to slip in as stealthily as they can, but both Fury and the guest turn towards them, if only for a second.

It's enough.

Steve hasn't met these brown eyes in fifteen years, but the tug to his heart is real and he freezes for the moment they hold contact. It doesn’t last, Tony's gaze going back to Fury who has finished his introduction and is motioning him to come to the podium.

"- pleased to introduce you today the CEO and head of R&D at Stark Resilient, Mister Tony Stark!"

There's clapping as Tony grins and takes the stage. Peter seems about to vibrate out of his skin, clapping enthusiastically. Steve even sees him bring fingers to his mouth to whistle, but thankfully he curbs that impulse himself. 

"Oh, God, I can't believe it! Tony Stark, for real!"

"You sound like a groupie, Parker," Maria Hill says, judging Peter from her seat near the exit.

"It's Tony Stark!" Peter hisses. "You guys read about his new green energy sources, right? He's a genius!"

Genius he is, of course. Tony definitely already carried that label at fourteen years old when Steve met him at the Advanced Space Academy summer camp. Of course since then Tony added even more badges on his lapel: billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. The contemporary Tony Stark is someone Steve has had no contact with except through media, and he can't say he's much of a fan. A couple of years back there wasn't a week when Tony didn't end up in the gossip rags about possible substance abuse and sex addiction. Admittedly it's been more about his company lately, and the causes he supports. You can't be against philanthropy, of course, but it reeks of a rich boy who is trying to buy himself a cleaner image. 

Tony has started talking, and unsurprisingly he engages the crowd. He looks so at ease, effortlessly charming, and Steve cannot look away. He hasn't been stalking Tony Stark just because he knew him for three weeks years ago, he'd never. Tony's a public figure, though, so Steve couldn't help it sometimes, because it was everywhere. There's an energy to Tony in person, though, that makes Steve as enthralled as everyone else. Tony speaks about his company, electronics and clean energy, only to veer on how he's always wanted to go to space ever since he was a boy. Steve would swear that Tony looks his way for a moment, but that's impossible. 

There is no way that Tony Stark remembers Steve. Heck, he forgot about him as soon as he went back to his family after the camp, after all. No, Tony looking his way is a coincidence. Steve is just hypersensitive right now, he wasn't expecting this. He's totally distracted by his whiny internal sixteen year-old self, but gets brought back to the present when Tony makes a gesture and a hologram appears on stage by his side; it turns out to be an extremely detailed model of his new propulsion system. It's _gorgeous_ , the tech and the representation alike, and the room erupts in hushed murmurs of admiration that Tony soaks up like a sponge, grinning happily.

Scratch the tech, Tony's the most beautiful thing in the room and Steve can't focus on the ins and outs of the presentation, captivated by the way he moves, the certainly he projects, his confidence that he's the smartest man in the room – in a room of brilliant people – when he answers every question thrown his way and the utter glee at his creation. Steve would panic that he's going to look like a fool if he has to discuss the propulsion system later but thankfully Peter is recording the whole thing on his tablet, making sounds of delight. He'll need to borrow it.

What Steve definitely does not miss, though, is Fury taking the mike once the applause dies down.

"Not only has Stark Resilient been contracted to build several element of the new shuttle destined for Mars, including the training modules and simulators going with it, but Mister Stark will be a member a new cohort of candidates being put together to select the two astronauts who will join the lunar test flight scheduled in twenty months. Welcome to the astronaut corps, Tony!"

The announcement is akin to a sudden cold shower. Oh. Oh no. That's _Steve's_ test flight, well the one he's very determined to get on. Destabilized, he slips out the door before Fury gets into his head to introduce them. He's not ready for this, not yet, not dressed like this – God, the clothes part should never even have crossed Steve's mind, what is happening to him? The truth is that Steve is not prepared, at all, and he needs to regroup before he has to meet to Tony.

****

Talking shop to a crowd that gets ninety percent of what Tony says – instead of the usual ten percent - is thrilling. After the conference, a gaggle of scientists and engineers all but rush the stage and he takes a good half hour to answer their questions. He knows that Fury is growing more and more impatient, but frankly it's fun to see him lose his cool a little. Until Fury snaps, that is.

"Okay, enough, you lot have jobs to do!"

"But Direct-" one that is on the young side protests. He's got huge brown eyes and his lip is almost wobbling.

Fury must be made of Teflon because he doesn't even seem swayed. "Go back to the lab, Parker, I need those results." That said he frowns, scanning the room. "Speaking of, where's Rogers?"

Tony's heart stutters, before kicking back on and beating faster. Rogers? It's a somewhat common name, it shouldn't make Tony react like this. He can't pretend that he didn't think about Space Academy when he entered the building earlier, of course he did. Space Academy meant a bittersweet storm of souvenirs involving the camp he'd pestered his parents for years for, and that had turned out being the best weeks of his life. Science and space, of course, but also the rush of a first love that unfortunately ended up in a broken heart. The whole thing had been a lesson about how people, even those you think can be trusted, will let you down. Maybe it had jaded him a little too young.

There was a guy, earlier. The one that got in late and stayed by the door. Blond, what looked like very blue eyes from afar, and Tony had immediately thought of Steve but it couldn't be. Too much of a coincidence, for one, but also the guy had been tall and built while Steve was the opposite, at least at sixteen years old. A tight ball of anger and pure determination, but short. 

"I'm not sure," Parker says. "He left after Mister Stark finished, and said something about a shirt? No idea."

"I thought you were doing tests today?" 

"Well yeah. But he's breezed through them, as always." 

"Even the weight lifting?" Fury asks. 

"Everything. Did squats at two thousand pounds by the way." Tony's eyebrows rise at that, because damn. Must have been done with a machine or something, not free weights. "I really think you need select him," Parker adds.

"Considering him or not is my job, not yours," Fury says, now viciously punching on his phone. A Stark phone, Tony sees with satisfaction. An outdated model, but no one is perfect. "Rogers, meet me at my office in five, will you?" he asks, and nods. "Good. Later."

"It was an honor to meet you, Mister Stark," Parker says, all earnest eyes and fanboy blush. "The propulsion system, and the hologram, wow." He makes a mind explosion gesture.

Tony offers his hand and shakes with a smile. "Thanks, it was fun. I'll be around. Parker I heard?"

Parker hasn't let go and grins blindingly. "Yes, yes, Peter Parker. I'm doing my Doctorate in applied kinesiology. I work in the physiology labs but mostly the gym."

"Where you should go back," Fury cuts in, and Peter finally lets go and rubs the back of his head. 

"Yeah, yeah, sorry Director. Mister Stark," he adds with a nod and a wave as he leaves.

Tony figures he'll have to get people to ditch the Mister Stark as soon as possible, because that's always been his father. Following Fury in the office spaces, Tony winces thinking that he'll have to sit down with Howard to explain that he's taking a leave of absence from the Stark companies since he's most likely going to space. It has the potential to turn into a shit storm, which of course is the reason he avoided talking about it until it was certain. They get to Fury's office at the same time as tall and blond, who has changed into a button down shirt and jeans. And shit, as impossible as it seems, it _is_ Steve Rogers, no mistaking it from this close. Holy late growth spurt, Jesus. Steve was beautiful at sixteen, but he's now drop dead gorgeous. It doesn't change that this is the very same guy who had said he loved him, promised to write after Space Academy, but never did. Tony hadn't realized it still hurt so much, and in reflex he lets his PR face take over. He can get through this without his weakness showing.

"Ah, there you are," Fury is saying. 

"I didn't know you wanted me to stay, Director," Steve says.

"It's fine." Fury turns to Tony, and gestures back to Steve. "Doctor Steven Rogers. He was in our Ground Control crew, but he's an AsCan now and on the short list for the trip to Mars, therefore the test flight that's coming up."

Tony expects the handshake - firm, no-nonsense - but there's no emotion on Steve's face. 

"Nice to meet you Mister Stark," Steve says. As if it's the first time they've seen each other. 

Maybe it's because Fury is with them, so Tony musters a polite smile back. "Likewise Doctor Rogers."

"Since you are going to train together, I think Rogers is the best person to show you around." 

Tony thinks it's a bad idea, but it isn't as if he can refuse on the grounds that he resents the guy for letting him down without an explanation fifteen years ago. "Sure."

Steve simply nods. "I can give him a tour."

Fury takes an envelope on his desk and pushes it at Tony, who has no choice but to take it or it will fall on the ground. Curious, he has a quick look and there seems to be a schedule, admin papers and a key. He fishes it out and it says 304 on the key ring.

"He's going to stay here at the Johnson Space Center?" Steve asks. It's a first show of emotion, but it's definitely not positive. Steve's brows are furrowed and he looks annoyed.

"Like anyone else going up there," Fury says. 

The mere fact that Steve asked rubs Tony the wrong way. 

"Why? You think I asked for special treatment?" Tony asks, cocking his head. Okay, so maybe his resentment is closer to the surface than he thought.

Steve stiffens up. "I didn't say that." That doesn't mean he didn't think it, though. 

"No special treatment for anyone," Fury intervenes, and weirdly he is looking pointedly at Steve, who pinks up. There's a story there that Tony would love to learn. "Now get out of my face, I it seems I'm the only one who has pressing work to do around here."

They take it as the dismissal it is and are soon walking down the corridor. Tony's expecting Steve to acknowledge the elephant in the room, an 'it's been a while' or something of the sort but he just start droning on about the Johnson Space Center like a perfect little tour guide. 

It's absolutely impossible that Steve does not realize he's that boy from Space Academy all grown up. Even as a teen Tony carried the name Stark and everything that came with it. Heck, Steve had gotten in Marisa's face when she'd started accusing Tony of profiteering from war crimes because Stark Industries made weapons. Beautiful small Steve was vibrating in anger like an avenging angel when he defended Tony, saying he had no control what his father did and couldn't help it if he was born rich. Frankly, Tony's pretty sure that's when he'd fallen in love, because no one had ever stuck up for him like that.

It seems that Steve is done defending him, or caring at all for that matter. Well if Steve wants to pretend that they've never seen each other before, Tony can play that game too. He follows Steve on the tour and pointedly gives his attention to the other people he meets that seem to be happy to see him, at least to his face. 

****

From the moment Steve steps in the office and speaks to Tony again, everything turns into a total disaster. 

He was so sure that Tony didn't remember him, or at least didn't recognize him, but there had been a minuscule flinch when Steve had greeted him as a stranger. It was rapidly smoothed away, so maybe it's only Steve's imagination (God he hopes so). Heck, Tony didn't say anything about how they used to know each other any more than Steve, so he if he does remember, he doesn't want to bring it up either. And then Steve had been so surprised to realize that they'll live in the same building, he put his foot in his mouth and unwillingly insulted him. That made Tony react, for sure.

If he thought that's as low as it could go, Steve was so very wrong. He clings to his professionalism and makes the best tour he can think of - he did this before after all - and Tony politely follows. Steve even thinks it's a good thing until he realizes the contrast it makes with how Tony is interacting with anyone else. As soon as he greets other people, or discusses what they are working on in this or that division, Tony lights up, all smiles and easy charm. He asks clever questions, jokes, and definitely flirts with everyone. Everyone including Ana, the no-nonsense sixty-eight year old woman in charge of the cafeteria.

"Oh wow," Tony says as they cross path with her in front of the dessert counter. "Is that you, Ana?"

Ana squints at him, distrustful, and Steve is at a total loss. Tony knows Ana? It seems like it because her eyes widen.

"Tony Stark?"

Tony grins. "The one and only. My goodness, Ana! You look fantastic. It's been what, fifteen years? And you haven't changed at all."

Frankly, Steve's stomach drops. Yes, Ana was working at the JSC when they were at Space Academy, but if Tony remembers the lunch lady, there's no way he doesn't remember Steve. 

To Steve's total bewilderment, Ana pinks up at the attention and gives Tony a pudding cup from the display she just restocked. 

"Care for a snack?" she asks, as if she doesn't usually ration them. Heck, she sure is not offering one to Steve, and they are in good terms, or as much as anyone can be with Ana. She was a lot friendlier when Steve was small and not scarfing down everything he can put his hands on. 

"Butterscotch! Oh wow, thank you," Tony exclaims, taking the cup, then reaches to the utensils to take a spoon. "Ana, tell me the truth: did you remember it's my favorite?" 

Ana laughs – laughs! Steve has never seen her more than smile, and then very rarely and because she has to announce that they are out of something – and taps Tony's arm lightly. Steve observes the scene trying not to gape. God, did someone replace Ana with a stranger? And, by the way, Steve absolutely knew that butterscotch was Tony's favorite, and not because he has read it in a magazine. Tony also used to know vanilla was his flavor, and brought him one every other night.

"Anyone with a lick of sense prefers butterscotch, Mister Stark," Ana says, smiling back. 

Tony takes a spoonful of his pudding, hums in satisfaction, and winks at Ana. "Ain't that the truth. And please, call me Tony. We're old friends, after all."

That's another thing. All through the tour, Tony has insisted for everyone to use his first name, and then does it right back. Except for Steve, whom he barely speaks to, and refers to as Doc, or Rogers if he absolutely has to. 

"What brings you back Tony?" Ana asks.

Tony's smile widens. "Oh, you missed the big news! I'm training to go up in the lunar test flight."

"Really? Oh, my dear boy, I am so happy for you," Ana says, _and hugs Tony_. 

"Told you I would!" Tony says, still grinning. "Well it's not official, but I'll make it."

Steve has no idea when Tony even had time to discuss of his dreams with Ana, even in Space Academy. For sure Tony at fourteen was charming too, and he used to talk as much with the staff as with the instructors, but Steve had no idea he'd been close to Ana. It does explain the vanilla pudding cups, though, and Steve feels guilty that he'd thought Tony stole them back then.

"Of course you will," Ana says fondly. "I am so happy to see you again, boy."

"Same. See you soon, Ana," Tony says. He then turns to Steve and the genuine smile turns polite, chilling him a little more. 

In a way, this is the perfect opening. In fact, there's something in Tony's eyes, as if he's daring Steve to bring up their Space Academy days because he can't wait to tell him all the way he now hates him for some reason that Steve doesn't understand. 

The three weeks together had been fantastic, and they'd parted promising they'd keep in contact. Steve had written to Tony that very same night, after an evening of being quizzed by his mom on what he'd done at camp. That particular conversation had been filled with 'Tony this' and 'Tony that' and 'Tony and I, we', so much that he remembers having blushed bright red at how his mom had smiled, patting his hand saying she was glad he had found such a special friend. She knew, even if Steve had never said. He's convinced of that. Once finally back in his room, in his own bed, Steve had written to Tony about how he missed him already, which he had with a fierceness that had even surprised him. 

Tony never answered. 

He had hoped for weeks, thinking mail was slow, or maybe that his first letter had been lost before writing a second, and then a third. After a month and a total of five letters Steve had concluded that Tony never meant those whispered promises and vows they'd made, huddled together in their favorite hideout. That Tony had fun when they were at the Academy, but that it was over and now he had his regular friends back, rich ones. Since Tony had been the one to end things fifteen years ago, then why is he looking pissed at Steve now, then? God, he'd always been infuriating.

Steve supposes he should avoid a confrontation, but he isn't a coward. He shuffles in his head through different openings, some more personal than others. He's hesitating between 'so that's how you got all of those pudding cups, back then', or 'Ana sure didn't remember me when I started working here, or if she did she never said'. But finally, he goes straight to the point.

"So, Space Academy," Steve says as they walk down the corridor.

Tony scoffs. "Oh _now_ we're addressing the elephant in the room!"

That's not fair. "You didn't say anything either."

"True," Tony says. "I didn't because you seemed pretty happy pretending you had no idea who I was."

"Not to feed your ego, Tony, but everyone knows who you are."

"Don't play stupid, Rogers, it's unbecoming." Tony's jaw is set and he really looks mad. 

Steve just doesn't get it.

"Fine, I thought you hadn't recognized me, and I didn't see what good it would do to reminisce." Seriously, why revisit a doomed summer romance?

"Oh you've changed," Tony agrees. "But then not."

Steve doesn't know what he means by that, but he feels it's an insult somehow. 

"Look-" Steve starts.

Tony stops walking and turns to face Steve. There's fire in his eyes, and his cheeks are flushed, as if he wants to yell at Steve some more, but then it's like seeing a switch flip. Tony pauses, drags a hand down his face from forehead to chin and when he looks back at Steve he seems perfectly composed, although weary. As if this conversation, dealing with Steve, takes a lot out of him. 

"This is stupid. We were kids, and it was a long time ago. What happened, or didn't happen, it's not important anymore. As you said, it would do no good to reminisce, so. Can we just agree not to talk about it?"

It's like whiplash and Steve wonders if Tony is sincere. But frankly? It's a better outcome than Steve hoped for, and he forces himself to uncoil too. 

"Yes, sure." He cannot leave it alone and lets his lips curl up into a smirk. "Which is exactly what I was trying to do; nice of you to get with the program."

That surprises a snort of laughter from Tony. "I can get with the program just fine."

It's such a relief that the tension has abated that Steve can't resist poking a little more. "If you say so. My fault, sorry, I should have guessed that you wouldn't react well to being ignored." 

"Fuck you Rogers, you troll," Tony says with an eye roll, shoving him to the side as he starts walking again. Steve smiles and follows. "Where to next, Doc?"

"The gym," Steve says. Tony gestures with his spoon, 'lead the way' before taking another bite of it.

**

All in all, Tony thinks he handled the situation pretty well. He could have cut on the sulking and passive aggressive posturing in the first part of the tour, but he'd regrouped and acted maturely without biting Steve's head off. Much. No, really. He should call Pepper and tell her all about his self-growth and adult decisions, to make her proud. She might even give him a reward.

The gym is where he sees Peter Parker again, who lights up when they arrive.

"Mister Stark!" The kid is still all bright-eyed at him, and seems torn between either bouncing up and down all around his workstation or rushing to jump in Tony's arms. He does go for another long handshake, but the enthusiasm is adorable and Tony can't help smiling wide.

"Call me Tony, okay?" 

"Oh." Peter pinks up in pleasure. "Yes, sure. Tony. Wow."

The other man in the room has curly hair, glasses, and a shy smile. He approaches for his own introduction.

"I'm Doctor Banner," he says, shaking hands. "Doctor as in MD, which sometimes had to be clarified around here."

Tony laughs, immediately charmed by the wry smile. He's read Banner's brilliant work on central nervous system effects due to charged particle radiation and resultant oxidative stress. "Yeah, I suppose. Though you're a bad example, since you have a Doctorate in physics on top of your MD. I'm Tony. Big fan of your work on risk of acute effects from radiation exposure."

That makes Banner smile, pleased. "Oh, thank you. I read the paper you published in the Journal of Propulsion and Power about the arc-reactor based engine? Revolutionary." 

"Wasn't it?" Peter chimes in. "I mean wow. The math is _beautiful_."

Rocking back on heels Tony grins widely. "It's so nice to be among my people."

Banner laughs behind his hand, eyes sparkling. "True. Call me Bruce."

"Pete is our kinesiologist and makes sure we follow the training program," Steve says, gesturing to the gym, and Tony almost jumps in surprise. It should be impossible, but for a minute there Tony had forgotten about him. 

The kid nods. "Yes, yes, of course I work with the rest of the health and fitness team. Doctor Banner, but also a multidisciplinary team of specialists-"

"We'll introduce Tony to them later," Bruce says. "Director Fury didn't send me your medical file, he said something about it being classified?"

"Yeah," Tony says. "Call me paranoid – newsflash, I am about this – but I don't like it going around." He produces a small flash drive from his coat pocket. 

He's surrounded by confused faces now, which is understandable. The fewer people who know about the arc reactor, the better Tony feels about it. Of course he expected to share with NASA's doctors, and if Pete makes the individual adjustments to the training programs he'll need to know too. The only hesitation Tony has to divulge the info right this moment is that Steve is present. But then again… if he understood Fury right, Steve and him will potentially spend a lot of time together to prepare for the test flight – some higher power is testing him, he's sure – and it would make sense that he knows too. 

Decision taken, Tony gestures to the computer behind Peter. "Can I?" 

"Yes, sure!" Peter looks very excited that Tony wants to use his machine. 

"I discussed it with Fury, and I've undergone a battery of tests to prove that I have the physical abilities required for the program even with the reactor. I can do them again with you, to confirm." The worst had been the swimming test and going to Pensacola for the simulation of a helicopter crash at sea on the helo-dunker, but he'd done it. Tony types the three different passwords needed to decrypt the flash drive's data, and the folder with his medical files appears on the screen.

"The reactor?" Bruce says, leaning towards the computer as he takes control of the mouse to go through the files. In fact, the three of them are focusing on the display, and Tony takes a reflexive step back. 

The first file that Bruce opens in the chest X-ray, that shows the reactor's inner casing, screws holding it to his ribs and his organs all pushed around to make space. And those damning shards of metal that can't wait for their moment to kill him, of course. Tony hates looking at the image, and even more seeing the shock and horror on other people's faces when they understand he lives with that every day. Instead of looking at the other men, Tony takes a spoonful of his pudding. It just isn't as good, suddenly.

"What-" Bruce starts to ask.

"Travel souvenir," Tony interrupts, but the joke falls flat. He avoids telling this story as much as he can, but sometimes it cannot be helped. "Four years ago, Dad sent me to do a missile demonstration for Stark Industries in Afghanistan. Routine sales pitch, I'd been handling that side of the business on and off for two years at that point. Going back to the base, the convoy was attacked. Terrorists. I got blown up and got a chest-full of shrapnel even if I was wearing my tactical vest." Peter breathes in audibly and Tony throws him a tight smile. "Yeah, Stark Industries' weapons are very effective. The irony of being blasted by a bomb with my name on it wasn't lost on me. Anyhow, I'll cut a long story short because I'm keeping the details for my eventual biography," he definitely is not, but anything not to talk about it, "but had to improvise a device in my chest to keep the shrapnel from killing me." 

"Jesus," Bruce breathes out. Tony cannot even bring himself to look at him. "Is this the casing?"

"Yeah. It's a miniaturized arc reactor." Tony loosens his tie and unbuttons his shirt, enough to peel off the artificial skin covering the reactor's glass surface and let the blue light shine out. 

"Holy shit," Peter says, and even starts to reach as if to touch but thankfully reins that impulse immediately. "You built it in a cave?"

Tony laughs just because of the face Peter's making. "Yeah, with a bunch of scraps. Mind you, I had a plan to build something else to escape with a bang, but Dad's men finally found me about a week after I finished the reactor."

"God." Steve, this time. A quick glance reveals he looks shaken, and has balled his hands into fists. He looks as if he cares, but then again anyone would be sympathetic to such a sob story. "It never was in the papers," Steve continues, "news of your kidnapping. Four years ago? Doesn't ring a bell at all."

"Well no, it wouldn't have been good for the business." Tony shrugs. He lobs the pudding cup in a trashcan near by, not hungry anymore. "The heir to the company being taken right from his military escort? It looked bad for everyone. The SI stocks would have plummeted so Dad made sure that little mishap didn't get out. He hired mercenaries and got me out, and that was that." 

"I am very sorry this happened to you, it's horrible," Bruce says. 

Tony shrugs, uncomfortable, and buttons his shirt up again. "Yeah. It kind of makes you reevaluate your life though. Which brings me here, in fact. I founded Stark Resilient once I came back, no more guns and bombs for me. I'm pretty sure I almost made my father have a stroke with that one, he must regret freeing me from that cave."

"Of course not!" Steve really looks worked up about this, for some reason. "It's your father, he'd never-"

Maybe it's meant to be reassuring, to say that he's loved or some shit, but it raises Tony's hackles.

"You don't know shit, Rogers, and you definitely don't know Howard," he interrupts. Steve clams up, but he also straightens up in reflex and it makes Tony want to get up in his face. "I refused to work on weapons and he had me committed for trauma. When the docs released me - because there was nothing wrong with my fucking head save from pretty normal PTSD after what I went through - I suggested new products for the company, defense and armor mainly, and he refused. He eventually kicked me out." Tony had been so furious, though, that being forced to leave had probably been for the best; their fights were getting more and more vicious.

"Then he's an asshole," Steve declares, massive arms crossed over his chest.

Understatement of the century. "You got that right."

"Stark Resilient does _amazing_ things," Peter says. "Clean energy, the engines, the electronics, it's incredible."

"Not so bad for a baby company I started from scratch not three years ago, huh?" Tony says, grinning. God, it has been so much work, but it's also so rewarding. He sees that Peter is mouthing 'not so bad' with a face as if his head is about to explode, which is flattering.

"Not backed by your father?" Bruce asks. God, this is like gossip central.

"Well he didn't disown me, so I still had the Stark surname when I schmoozed for start-up funds. I _might_ have implied I had his support, but I had a good business case. And Pepper. Pepper Potts – she's my partner and now CEO – she's the very best." Tony's not sure he could have made it all by himself. Scratch that, he's certain he wouldn't have. "And Howard is an ass, but he knows a good investment when he sees one, so he finally invested once Resilient was off the ground. We pool some resources, but we don't cross the streams as far as company direction go."

"Well good for you." Bruce turns back to the computer, and closes the X-Ray shot. "You said earlier that you did the physical tests? Your results are within normal range?"

"Yes. I know how this looks bad," Tony says, gesturing to the reactor. "But with the reactor, I am no more at risk of a cardiovascular event than anyone else, which is why I avoided the select-out." He's relieved they are moving forward, and points to another file. "In there. You've got the results and even the tapes when I'm doing several tests. I had JARVIS record them all to prove I haven't cheated."

"I never implied-" Bruce starts to protest.

"No, of course not," Tony says, but frankly he'd almost expected not to be believed? He truly is in excellent physical shape, probably the best he's ever been in. 

"Can I have this?" Bruce asks, gesturing to the computer and storage key. "Total confidentiality, of course."

Tony nods and types in a few commands to unlock it. "Sure. And I don't mind if you discuss it with your team, as long as the specifics of the reactor are not made public." 

"We'll be discrete, you have my word," Bruce says. Tony looks at Steve who nods in agreement, serious. 

"Thanks."

"Don't think we'll go easy on you in training, though," Peter says and that makes Tony grin, pleasantly surprised. 

"That's what I want to hear!" Tony checks his envelope, takes out the schedule. "When does it start?"

"Ohhh, that was for you, of course! Director Fury had me draft it, saying a new candidate was coming in," Peter says.

"The only way I'm not going on that test flight is if I fail the physical aspects, and I won't fail the physical," Tony assures. 

"There's more than physical," Steve says.

"Of course there is." Tony's ready for this. He's been preparing all of his life, consciously or not, and he's got the smarts and the determination to do it. "Do you realize how revolutionary my new propulsion system is? I've done private unmanned testing, it works great, but for a habitable flight it would be best if I was there to fix problems if they arise. Fury agrees, sort-of, or he's open to be convinced at least, so here I am."

Bruce seems skeptical. "Tony, if there's a big problem on the ship, you know it might be the last problem you'll try to solve, right?"

Tony smiles. "Oh, I know. But it's my shit, and my shit works. It's the rest of the ship I worry about. But seriously, I'm certain that I am just as qualified as everyone else in Advance Training to go up there and I'm ready to prove it."

Bring it on. 

Looking around the gym he sees a bar set with… Jesus, how many plates is that? It's a fuckload of steel, for sure. Might be a joke, or those two thousand pounds squats Peter talked about earlier are even more impressive than he thought. Okay so maybe don't 'bring it on' that hard, but he's ready to show NASA that he's definitely needed in that shuttle.

 

****

After the tour, all is left to do to bring Tony to his new quarters. He asks to stop by the conference room first.

"I just need to get Jarvis and the rest of my stuff."

And that's when Steve is completely lost because he remembers Tony's stories, and Jarvis was someone who worked for the family. 

His confusion must show on his face because Tony rolls his eyes and asks. "Why the face, Rogers?"

"You can't have a butler here at the Center!" he says. 

Tony looks at him with round eyes for a second before he starts laughing. Really hard, enough that it makes him shed a few tears of mirth and Steve knows he's fucked up somehow.

"Oh my god," Tony says between bouts of laughter. "No, no, not Jarvis the person. Oh wow. Edwin Jarvis retired and moved back to London years and years ago, I can't believe you remember about him. No, I meant JARVIS, all caps, it's my Artificial Intelligence program. He's in the computer I left in the conference room." And Tony laughs some more, as if Steve just made his day.

And shit, Steve feels himself flame up, because how many times can he put his foot in his mouth in one day? It seems a special talent today. Tony is walking towards the conference room and chuckling at random moments and Steve wants to go through the floor. But at least Tony is smiling now? He'd been subdued since the gym, understandably. What Steve had learned there is another kind of horror all in itself. What Tony had to go through with the kidnapping and all that went with it, of course, but also how his own father treated him afterwards. At Space Academy, Steve had noticed that Tony's family was a touchy subject, but it seems worse than ever. But then there's Tony, still here, doing what he wants to be doing and he's so _strong_. Steve figures that a little humiliation about Tony's AI is a small price to pay to see him laugh.

Steve is helping fetch the projectors that created the hologram – they are small and sleek, beautiful piece of tech – when Tony's phone starts ringing. He looks at the display and break out into a grin before picking up.

"What's up Honeybunch?"

It's not snooping if Steve can't help hearing Tony's conversation. The way Tony curls around his phone, eyes going soft because of the person on the other side of the line, has the unpredicted result of making Steve's chest grow tight and he immediately curses himself. No no no, it cannot be, he can't be envious because he's got feelings stirring up for Tony. Yes Tony had been Steve's first kiss, his first love, and there's something that was never resolved because of the way it ended, but he doesn't know this guy, at all. 

"It was great. Fury confirmed that I'm joining-" he pauses, grins some more. "Yes, I know, I know you told me. You're the best. I couldn't have done it without you, Handsome."

And wow, yes, it's possible for Steve to sink a little lower because he thought it was a girl. Over the years, Tony dated lots of beautiful women, often models and actresses. Steve had even reasoned that Tony had cut contact because he might have had moment of affection for him, but then he'd realized he was straight. He'd been only fourteen which was so young, he was probably confused. It didn't matter that it was Tony that had pursued Steve, following him everywhere. It had begun with almost pigtail pulling, that had turned into clumsy flirting, but always with that projected cocky assurance that made Tony stand out even if he was the youngest of them all. Steve had two years on him, but he'd been charmed, just like everyone, and being the focus of Tony's attention and intensity was addictive. What they had was innocent and sweet, though, nothing more than promises and a few kisses.

"Pepper is handling it." Tony laughs. "Yes, I know. So you're leaving soon? Yeah. Be careful, okay? And call me? Just bring the phone I gave you, it will catch a signal." He pauses, rolls his eyes. "No, I won't snoop. Believe it or not I know the meaning of classified. Look, you don't need to tell me where you are even if it's Kabul or Kandahar, just that you're okay from time to time." Tony sighs. "I know, I know. It's just-" he pauses again, has a little smile. Then small little sentences, interspaced with silences, creating easy banter. "Don't sell yourself short, Sugar. I'm all good, yeah. Of course. I think so? Thanks for calling. Love you, be safe." 

During Tony's phone call Steve retrieved all the little projectors and put them in their transport suitcase. Once he hangs up, Tony takes a second to rest his forehead against the phone, eyes closed. It's clear that he cares lot about his boyfriend and no, Steve is not envious. Well he is, but not because it's Tony, but because he doesn't have someone like that, and shouldn't even think of wanting it right now. Not with the possibility that he'll be chosen to go to Mars: leaving someone behind would be cruel, with all the uncertainty if he'll make it back or not, and he will be so busy in the next twenty months and the subsequent training for Mars that he'll have no time for a relationship. 

"Okay," Tony says out loud, snapping himself out of his mellow moodq1. "So, all that's left is finding my new place, right?"

"Yes." Steve decides to hold on to the briefcase with the projectors since Tony has a computer bag and another suitcase, this one is probably filled with his stuff. Steve would have thought it would be bigger, with how Tony's dressed like a mannequin, his suit surely crazy expensive. "What's the room number?"

Tony fishes the key from his envelope. "304?"

Of fucking course. Maybe Fury thought it was funny, but for that he would have had to know they had history. 

"Why the face?" Tony asks.

"I was not making a face," Steve says, resisting manfully from reacting further. He'll be professional about this, even if he's pushed to the limit of his patience. "Come on, it's close."

It is, too, just an elevator and a corridor away, and as they walk there Steve explains the cafeteria hours. Soon enough they are at the 304; Tony enters his new loft – meaning a small bedroom with an en suite bathroom, and a small corner with a counter, fridge and a toaster oven - and huffs.

"This room is smaller than my shower." Surely that's an exaggeration, but if Tony starts throwing in everyone's face how rich he is and how this place is crap, they'll have a problem. 

"Not that we do much more than sleep in here," Steve says. There is very little downtime in the training schedule.

Tony has thrown his key on his dresser and takes out his schedule. "I can't believe I have a printed schedule."

"You'll probably get your tablet tomorrow."

"And the days start at seven? Are you shitting me?" Tony looks outraged.

Steve smirks. "Best time to run outside. In fact earlier is even better."

"Oh no," Tony says, sagging a little. Steve is amused but when Tony catches his smile he straightens up and glares. "I'm perfectly able capable to run at seven AM."

"I didn't say anything!" Steve says, going to his own door… right across the hall. 

"I totally can. It doesn't mean I have to like it!" Tony closes his door with a huff. 

Shaking his head, more amused than annoyed, Steve goes to his desk and opens a manual. There's a System Operation Procedures class tomorrow, and he's behind in his reading. He'll go grab dinner later. 

****

The seven AM run is not so bad, but Tony is totally pissed off that he ends up sweaty and gross while Steve looks fresh as a daisy. Then he gets his promised tablet and it's crap sub par material. Just looking at the logo makes him queasy. He'll have ask Fury when they are due for renewal to win the bid and give them real tech. After that there is a course focusing on the International Space Station communication system, and then more fitness training. They need them strong and limber, Tony acknowledges that space does a number on the body, but even though he's in shape he's still feeling the morning's run in his calfs. 

"You're new," a pretty blonde says when Tony reaches the gym, coming over with an extended hand and a wide smile. "Johnny Storm."

"Tony Stark."

That freezes the handshake as Storm's eyes widen. "Oh, right! Sorry."

"Not a problem," Tony says. He likes it, not always being recognized. Too bad it generally only holds until he says his name.

"When did you do boot camp?" Storm asks, looking puzzled. 

Ah, Tony expected that one, because he knew skipping over the required two years of mandatory classes and training covering the basics of astronaut training to land directly into Advanced Training would stick out. And possibly stir some resentment, especially if someone thought he'd bought his way in.

"I'm on a fast track," Tony says with a raise of shoulders. "But I passed all the classes. Don't worry, I know that shit." He'd touched on many of the subjects in his doctorates already, and he'd breezed through the manuals, sims and tests on everything from payload deployment to orbital mechanisms. Space physiology and medicine had been a bit more work, but ultimately interesting in their own ways.

"Genius, huh?" Storm says with a smirk, which isn't the reaction Tony was expecting. "Yeah, my brother-in-law did the same."

Tony snaps his fingers, pointing at Storm as he finally makes the connection. Same eyes and fair hair, even the features are similar. "Storm! Related to Sue, right?" A total delight, Sue Storm. Beautiful and crazy smart, though he has some doubts about her choice of partners. But then again, Sue and Reed seem to make it work when Tony's entire dating history is a failure, so what does he know? "So that brother-in-law is Richards."

"Right on," Johnny says with a smile. 

The guy looks like he has a sense of humor so Tony pushes a little. "Kind of a dick, but a brilliant one."

Johnny throws his head back laughing and Tony grins. This guy is crazy pretty and just his type. Maybe not Steve's level of gorgeous - who has the crazy Doritos shape going with all the muscles - but definitely interesting. Tony is in intensive training for serious stuff and eventually the lunar test flight, but nothing says he can't have a little fun if he finds a willing partner. It would be about time, too, to put himself out there again.

When he looks back at Tony, Johnny winks. "Again, right on. But he's family, so I'm afraid I can't let you talk shit about him, sorry."

"Aww," Tony says, putting a hand over his heart as if wounded. "You're no fun, Storm."

"Excuse you, I am totally fun." He sees something over Tony's shoulder and his smile widens. "Speaking of, sorry but I need to speak with Pete."

He saunters to Parker, who just entered the gym with his nose glued to his tablet. Tony knows that his chances to get in Johnny's Storm pants are close to null at the way they both light up when talking to each other. He'd be bummed, but they are pretty cute.

**

"Attention everyone!" Maria Hill says. She is their System Operation Procedures instructor today. "I hate repeating myself, so let's start this."

That's way fine with Tony. She gives the rundown on the tasks to carry out, and they get to work. The next couple of hours pass rapidly, and near the end of the exercise he gets paired with Steve. It would not be his first choice, because Tony generally tries to avoid awkward, but they are working very well together with a minimal use of words to get shit done. It used to be like that in Space Academy, too, though Tony tramps on those souvenirs as soon as they surface. He doesn't know why he's still hung up on this. Hill inspects their revised operating procedure handbook and nods at them with approval, checking something on her tablet. She's been doing that all day. Maybe all instructors are the same? Then again Hill seems to really like ticking those boxes.

"Good work," she says. "You can go eat lunch," she declares before going to the next pair.

Getting out of class first is nice, and maybe it even means they'll get the best desserts. Tony's pretty sure he can sweet talk Ana into keeping his favorites in the future, he'll need to get on that.

"Is Hill always like this?" Tony asks Steve as they walk side by side.

"Always like what?" 

"Checklists, ticking things off?"

Steve looks at him as if he's not making any sense. "Often, yes. Why?"

"Do you think she has a list by her bed? I'd sure like to tick a couple of her boxes," Tony remarks. He's always been drawn to competent people and Hill has the hot and in control type down path. 

"What the hell?" Steve hisses as he stops walking, and Tony turns to him in surprise. "She's our instructor!"

Tony raises his hands defensively at the glare. "Jesus, calm down," he says, glad that they are far enough from the classroom that they won't be overheard. "It was a joke."

"Well it's inappropriate," Steve says, tall and righteous. Yeah, maybe it was a little crass, but Good Lord, could Steve be more sanctimonious? Frankly Tony says shit like that out of habit, not with real intent. The playboy persona is one that takes very little work and serves him well enough.

"Don't get your panties in a twist. I just meant that she's hot. I didn't actually hit on her." He raises a hand to stall Steve when he starts to interject. "Not going to do it later either."

"Because you'll be too busy hitting on Johnny Storm?" It's clear that Steve regrets saying that as soon as the words are out. He crosses his arms over his chest in a defensive stance and throws a glare on top as if he's committed and won't back down now that it's said.

"Huh, no?" Tony speaks slowly and squints at Steve, trying to figure what his problem is. "And even so, how is that any of your business?"

"It's not, but you should know he's with Peter, and _he's_ not a cheater."

Tony doesn't miss the emphasis on the 'he', which is like a blow. He's done a lot of ill-advised things in his life, but he's never cheated. He was a bright kid, Tony knew why his mom cried some nights and he'd hated Howard even more for it. He'll never do that, to anyone. "What are you trying to say here, Rogers?" 

"Guys like you disgust me," Steve spits out and Tony gapes at the venom. Wow, he can't believe that Steve Rogers, who used to defend people by saying you cannot judge if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes, is now giving credit to rumors. "Your boyfriend's plane probably hasn't landed yet and you're already chasing tail."

It's like whiplash, Tony has absolutely no idea what Steve is talking about. "Boyfriend?"

That makes Steve pause, confused, and he's speaking a lot more carefully when he does talk next. "The soldier going to Afghanistan?"

Tony still doesn't get it until he remembers that Steve was there when Jim called.

"Rhodes? I am not with Rhodes!" 

Oh my god, Jim would be appalled that someone even thinks they are a couple. By his side, Steve has visibly paled. Oh, realizing he's been flinging shit for nothing, then. Frankly, Tony is furious. Why would Steve assume things like that and then act all judgy on clearly faulty information?

"You're not-" Steve starts asking. 

Taking his phone out, Tony unlocks it and hits speed dial two, putting the sound on speaker.

"No need-" Steve interjects but Tony raises his hand up rapidly. 

"Shut the fuck up." God, he could strangle him. Thankfully Steve keeps his mouth shut.

"What the hell, Tones?" Rhodes answers, voice slurred by sleep.

"Hi there Honeybunch. Did I wake you?"

"You did. Asshole. Time zones, we've talked about this before." 

"Yeah, sorry about that Babe." Tony is genuinely sorry, too, he should have calculated but he's so mad at Steve he didn't think straight. "I just have a question for you, and you can go back to sleep."

"How magnanimous. Shoot."

"Are we dating?"

"What the hell?" There is genuine shock in the expression, coming out loud and clear on the little speaker.

"I know, right?" Tony says, raising an eyebrow at Steve who looks, at least, genuinely mortified. "Someone got the idea we were boyfriends and that I was looking to cheat on you."

At that Rhodes starts laughing. "Boyfriends?" He laughs again. "You know I love you, man, but never in a million years even if I bent that way."

"You wound me, Stud, I'm a real catch," he answers, unable to repress his own smile. 

"Sure you are. And anyway, you'd never cheat. You've done stupid shit since we've known each other, but that's definitely not you."

Ha, extra validation, Rhodes is definitely the best friend ever. Tony looks at Steve, eyebrow raised. And yes, Steve looks as if he wants the ground to swallow him. It's not that important, though. Tony turns towards the phone and clearly to the only person here worth getting his attention.

"You're the greatest best friend ever, Jim. I definitely don't tell you that often enough."

"Okay, who's the asshole who genuinely hurt your feelings and where do I find them to kick their ass?" Rhodes sounds pissed and it makes Tony's heart swell. Who cares about stupid Rogers?

"Nah, it's okay. Assumptions, you know how it always catches up to me in the end. But take the compliment, it's well-earned."

"I love you too, Tony."

See? That's what is important. He might not have that many real friends in quantity, but he lucked up in quality.

"Got to your post alright? " Tony asks.

"Yeah. And already there's sand in unfortunate places. Ugh. I hate deserts."

That immediately re-dampens Tony's mood, because he is pretty sure that no one hates deserts more than him. He really tries not to think about the kidnapping when he talks to Jim on those tours, but sometimes – like now - it's harder to avoid. He'd felt phantom sand all over his body and in his mouth for months after he came back to the United-States. "You and me both, buddy."

"Ah shit. Sorry man. I know. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm excellent. We trained on flight console mockups earlier."

"Yeah?" Jim perks up. "How was it?"

"Way cooler than flying jets and trying to be the youngest Major ever promoted."

Jim laughs again. "I'll consider that you out-cooled me the day you actually pilot the shuttle to go to space."

"Oh, so in twenty months then? It's nice to have attainable goals!" Tony takes a deep breath and figures he's bothered Jim enough. "Go back to your beauty sleep, darling. And again be careful out there."

"For sure. Love you."

"Love you too."

He barely has time to press the button to end the call that Steve is apologizing, all but wringing his hands. 

"I am so, so sorry. I never s-"

"You were an ass," Tony cuts in. He's gone from angry to being done with Steve's constant judgment in the course of the conversation. Drained. 

"I was, one hundred percent. It's inexcusable."

At least he sounds sincere and resentful, but in a way it makes Tony's mood swing back towards annoyed.

"Could you do me a favor?" he asks.

"Of course. Anything," Steve immediately says, eager to atone or some shit. He's got tragically beautiful eyes in an open face right now, but Tony won't allow being mollified so soon.

"Just stop it. No more assuming this or that just because I'm Tony Stark. I get that every single day, out there," Tony gestures to the outside world in general. "I hoped it would be different here."

"Of course. It won't happen again. I am so sorry."

They are near the cafeteria but he's not hungry at all. There's an hour and a half before next class, and Tony needs to go to Fury's office to complete some paperwork, so he might as well do that now.

"Shut up and act decent, that's all I'm asking," Tony says, before doubling on his steps to go towards the admin offices. 

He's got no qualm at all to leave Steve right there in the middle of the corridor. 

****

Oh, Steve has gone and fucked up badly now. Losing his temper like this, lashing out at Tony aiming to hurt and being showed that he was horribly wrong in the first place is mortifying. He's never been as ashamed of his actions as he is right now, to the point that the guilt and self-loathing rolling in his stomach makes him feel sick. All of his life he's been priding himself that he was a good person, that he faced bullies because someone had to do it, even if they were intimidating and he was sure to lose. He stood up for what was right and did what had to be done even if it cost him personally. 

That steadfast confidence that he was responsible, and the right person to face a challenge without personal gain, is why Dr Erskine made the career ending move of enhancing Steve. While NASA planned sending someone to Mars in the near future, Dr Erskine's research looked into ways to enhance immunity and resistance, among other things to radiation. They had met at a work mixer, and Steve had been totally fascinated by the possibilities since he'd battled with a slew of health problems forever. Physical limitation meant that Steve would never fulfill his lifelong dream to go to space, even with a bachelor in science degree in physics, an M.S. and a Ph.D in aerospace engineering, numerous awards and having on paper an astronaut's dream resume. He'd made his way to NASA anyway, had worked so hard and proved himself enough that they'd put him in increasingly important jobs on the ground crew overseeing the missions, but it stopped there. He thought he was happy with that.

But the more Steve learned about Dr Erskine's research, the more he believed it was meant to be that he'd reach the actual stars; he had argued and pleaded until Dr Erskine gave in. At the time, Steve suspected that the procedure wasn't approved for human testing. It hadn't stopped him, and he'd drafted and signed all kinds of papers saying it was his decision and that he understood the risks. Steve had no idea that his insistence would have Dr Erskine fired for ethics violations and lead him to destroy all of his research so not even NASA would have it once he was gone. That hadn't turned out well, in fact they were still battling in court about intellectual property. But the serum had worked, beautifully, and NASA – on Director's Fury's insistence, he guessed – hadn't let go of Steve. Why not use an enhanced individual, now that they had him? He'd been given a chance to go through accelerated Basics, and now is in Advance Training with the others. His dream of space is closer than ever, after all of his hard work.

But Steve wonders if he lost himself in the process... He always fought for justice and the little guy before, but with how he acted with Tony since he got here, Steve's not sure he'd be able to look at himself in a mirror without punching it. He has turned into a bully himself. 

His outburst at Tony was such an emotional reaction, too, that had built up all day. It started the day before, in fact, with that conversation that he obviously totally misread. Steve has no idea why Tony uses so many endearments when he talks to his platonic best friend, but it had looked intimate. Then in the gym he'd seen Tony talking with Johnny, not hiding his interest at all, and Steve had seethed. How could Tony, who had a boyfriend whom he visibly cared about, just flirt with the first pretty face that crossed his path? How could he forget his partner so soon? 

Was that how it had happened when Tony left Space Academy? Sure, they'd shared a few kisses, but afterwards Tony had been back in his mansion maybe meeting other rich and interesting kids. Maybe there had been girls or boys who didn't stop Tony when his hands started to wander by arguing that they should take their time. Maybe Tony had forgotten about Steve in less than fifteen hours too. And that had hurt, had made Steve fill up with a cold fury that compounded every single time Tony teased or flirted with someone in the class – which was all the time - until he'd been a walking time bomb. One crass remark about Maria and he'd tilted.

Not satisfied with that, he'd wanted to hurt Tony back. The open shock on Tony's face, when Steve had accused him of being a cheater, had been the first sign that Steve had fucked up. Steve's heart speeds up as he remembers saying that men like Tony disgust him, all scorn, and the way Tony had flinched back, hurt. Confused, too, because it had come from left field for him. Then the phone call, which had been blow after blow. Confirmation that Steve was a complete, utter moron with issues. Being told that Tony wasn't one to cheat at all. If his friend had read Tony right, that he'd gotten his feelings genuinely hurt. Steve had also seen how the simple mention of sand had shaken Tony, which meant he was still healing from the kidnapping ordeal. The dawning realization on Tony's face that Steve Rogers wasn't better than anyone else, far from it, because he'd fallen into the easy path of assuming that Tony Stark™ was a dissolute playboy had been the final nail in Steve's coffin. 

Instead of simply telling Steve off, Tony had felt the need to call his Officer friend to prove his story. Maybe he'd thought Steve wouldn't have believed him at his word. Or he needed emotional support after being attacked like that, and Steve had to admit that Jim - that's what Tony had called him apart from nicknames - sounded like a fantastic friend. Heck, Steve would have gladly volunteered to get punched in the face right on the spot by the BFF if that would make Tony feel better. By Tony himself, too, he sure deserved it.

All that Steve had to offer, though, were lame apologies. He would have preferred to deal with Tony's warranted anger, but he'd swung rapidly towards weariness. Like Steve was just one in a long line of people who treated him like crap, and it wasn't surprising, That sure piled up on the guilt filling Steve's chest. 

And then Tony had asked to be left alone, and that, at least, is something Steve can give him. For the first time since he got the serum, Steve isn't hungry and goes to sit at his regular table where Sam has already started on his macaroni. Hell, Steve is so ashamed of what has just happened, he can't even look at his friend and stares out the window. 

"What's wrong?" Sam immediately asks.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit," Sam says, and Steve reluctantly looks at him, sees concern all over his face. "You don't look good. What happened? Did you get hurt?"

"No, no, I'm fine," Steve insists, and at Sam's raised eyebrow of disbelief he sighs. "I'm just a terrible person."

Sam rears back, now frowning. "No you're not. What the hell happened?"

"I was a total dickhead. I threw totally unfounded accusations at someone," Steve confesses. 

Being the awesome friend he is, Sam still thinks there are mitigation factors. "You must-"

"Don't try to make excuses for me," Steve cuts in, raising his voice. "I was just me being a-" he almost says jealous ass, but clamps his mouth shut. Bitter ex would be better if it wasn't totally disproportionate in view of what him and Tony shared. They never were really together, not seriously even though it seemed so significant at the time.

"How did the person react?" Sam asks, changing tactics.

"Proved me totally wrong." Steve then huffs, because he knows what Sam is asking. "He was mad, hurt. Probably won't want to have anything to do with me from now on."

"And is that going to be a problem?"

Sam Wilson, asking the hard questions.

Steve grimaces. "Could be, he'll probably be on the lunar test flight."

There is very little doubt in his head that Tony will qualify for it.

"Ah shit," Sam says, visibly sympathetic. "I had no idea they had decided on the test flight crew. Isn't it a two person outing?"

"Yeah, and then a solo flight to Mars," Steve says. Tony implied that he'd only be on the test flight itself if he's selected. The other person on the ship should be the one going to Mars. "Fury said Stark is training for the lunar test flight, but I'm pretty sure he's got a reserved seat. The other spot is still free, as far as I know."

"Stark? As in Tony Stark?" Steve was sure the announcement had made the rounds and that everyone in the Johnson Space Center knew about it. Sam is updating the professional development courses for educators, and it seems as if gossip hasn't reached his department yet.

"Yes. He designed the new propulsion system and other stuff on the shuttle, and he said he should be on the new ship for the first manned flight."

"Oh, I see." Sam is nodding. "A billionaire just bought himself a trip to space." 

Steve won't lie, the same thought crossed his mind. It might even be true, to some extent. But with everything that happened with Tony, especially just now and his promise to stop assuming things, Steve can't get into this conversation. 

"We don't know that," Steve says.

"Was that what you fought about?" Sam asks.

"No, no. I don't want to talk about it." 

"Fine," Sam concedes, going back to his lunch.

Steve stares out the window and swears he'll do better by Tony from now on. If he ever gets the chance to make amends, that is. At least he'll try, and he hopes it counts for something. 

****

Tony already nursed a crush, but seeing her in person cements it: he is totally, irrevocably in love. For a long moment, he stands still and stares. Maybe even drools a little.

"Isn't she a beauty?" 

He turns and sees that Jemma Simmons, his chief engineer, has stopped by his side and looks just as smitten as he is.

"She's gorgeous." After another minute of drinking the spaceship in, eyes following every curve like a caress, he gestures to Simmons, who promptly give him her tablet. "Where are you at with the main engine installation?"

He scans the progress report while Simmons gives him the rundown.

"At the moment we're 61 percent done. Everything is going without a glitch." 

When Simmons starts walking towards the back of the ship, Tony follows. They've brought some assembly bots and the Stark Resilient technicians are hard at work with the wiring.

"Careful boys and girls," Tony says. "You know how it goes: there's no margin of error in space!"

He hears several "Yes boss!" in return. 

The ship's name hasn't been announced yet, but Tony has called her Nerio ever since the drawing table over two years ago. It means 'Valor' and she was Mars' consort, embodying force, power and majesty. Even Fury couldn't object to such a perfect name and it stuck. She's not a full product of Stark Resilient, because sadly government contracts don't work that way. Officially, SR won the bid on the propulsion system and the ships' outside shielding (solar cells that are also heat-absorbing energy capacitors, on top of being a bitching opalescent white that make her look magnificent). They also provide the software for the various systems, and the 3D simulators and mock-ups for training. Unofficially Tony also offered his consultant services, free of charge as a donation to NASA, for the ship's exterior design. If he had a couple of suggestions to add all through the rest of the process to make sure his propulsion system was as efficient as possible, that's between him and the NASA engineers. 

Nerio is sleek and beautiful, and at first glance you know she's a lot more than a shuttle meant to orbit around Earth. This is a genuine spaceship that can take off either like a fighter plane or be tilted perpendicularly for a vertical push. With Tony's revolutionary propulsion system, in theory she'd reach Mars in just ten weeks. Actual space testing is needed to confirm her capabilities, which is one of the goals of the lunar test flight: a little ride around to check her speed. Now that he sees Nerio more than a maquette or a 3D rendering, Tony is even more convinced that he _needs_ to be of the trip. NASA did insist that one of their own be the person sent to Mars, due to the risks such a flight entails, and he's ready to give them that. He'll probably try to finesse his way into a future trip, though, if everything goes according to plan.

Tony trusts Jemma without reserves: she proved again and again how competent she is. He could do what Fury asked of him and overview the installation, but Jemma's got it. Since there's nothing that Tony likes better than getting his hands dirty, so to speak, he climbs on the platform and walks towards the huge SR tech who's busy sorting some wiring. Tony knows this one, he always does flawless work.

"Hey Mack," Tony says. "Let's plug the auxiliary power source first."

"Sure thing, Boss," Mack says, sliding to the right to give Tony the space to squeeze in next to him and reach the connector.

The afternoon and early evening fly by as they work on the reactor. In fact, with Tony as an unexpected resource, they are ahead of schedule and nothing could dampen his good mood. Not even crossing Steve's path when he's going back to his room, therefore forcing them to walk side by side. 

Steve throws him little side-glances, visibly unsure if small talk would be welcome. Tony is still hyper, bouncing a little as he walks and it's amusing to him that a good mood seems to disconcert Steve totally. 

"Were you dispensed from the Rendezvous Proximity Operations class?" he finally asks.

"No, I'll do the sims later, but Fury thought it would be-" Tony is interrupted by his phone and he grins when he sees Pepper on the screen. He raises a finger at Steve to ask for a minute.

"Finally! Did you make it happen?" He asks as soon as the line connects, phone cradled to his ear.

"Tony, we have the best salaries in the business. Giving Jemma a twenty percent raise because of a good day of work is unnecessary."

"Maybe technically unnecessary, but she deserves it. You should have seen her today, she was _amazing_. I don't know why she keeps refusing my proposals."

Pepper sounds amused. "I think you should give up on that dream, Tony. Jemma doesn't care that you want to marry her brain."

"And that's too bad, we would make beautiful babies with gigantic intellects." Tony mouths 'Not my girlfriend' to Steve who pinks up and looks at the floor. He's visibly still turned around by what happened earlier.

"I'm sure of that," Pepper says, tone indulgent. "How was working on Nerio today?"

"Awesome!" Tony exclaims. "I know I wasn't supposed to send you that picture or even take it, thank Christ Jemma or the others didn't catch me doing it, but God. Isn't she beautiful?" He sighs wistfully because he misses the ship already. 

He only stopped working because Jemma insisted, with arguments about acceptable hours, union something or other, and that they shouldn't slip into overtime since they were on schedule and it proved Stark Resilient practices good human resources management. It supposedly looks well on their record for an eventual future contract. Bummer if you ask Tony, but then Jemma had argued that he could come back tomorrow instead of training since the propulsion system's installation isn't finished. That in fact they'd have various installations and tests to do in the following months, so it was okay to stop for the day. 

"Very nice. Congratulations Tony." Pepper is fantastic, but she doesn't share his love for spaceships, not like Jemma.

They've reached the elevator near the living quarters, and Steve pushes the button trying to act as if he's not listening to one end of the conversation when he can't avoid it at all. 

"God, I really shouldn't, but… could you turn the picture into a poster for me?" Yes, that would be perfect. Just what Tony needs to add some geek-chic to his room. "A nice poster, you know, regular size. I can pin it to my ceiling, above my bed, she's that sexy."

Tony's distracted by Steve making a choking sound, now totally red in the face. After a second of confusion, Tony realizes that Steve must think he's talking about some woman and he can't help but grin. He mouths "not a girlfriend" once more and this time the corner of Steve's mouth ticks up as he rubs the back of his neck. 

"I don't want to know what you'll do with the poster, Tony," Pepper continues on the other side of the call. 

"But you'll have it done it for me?"

"It will be delivered tomorrow."

"Pepper, Pepper, Pepper, you are the light of my life," Tony croons. "I don't know how I'll survive for almost two years without you by my side."

"Frankly, I'm worried too. When's the last time you ate?"

Tony hums noncommittally, but Pepper knows him well.

"Tony?"

"I had breakfast. And coffee! Several coffees, even a cookie. Did I say Jemma is great and deserves a promotion? She had cookies. I'm fine!"

Pepper sighs. "Cookies and coffee aren't enough, and you know it."

"I'll find something. " In his own head he caveats with 'if it's not too complicated'. Frankly Tony's not really hungry, those cookies were delicious and he ate quite a few. "No need to worry about me, okay?"

The elevator has reached their floor and Steve and him are rapidly getting to their rooms. Nice, this way Tony won't have to make awkward conversation for longer than necessary. 

"I can't help it," Pepper says with a sigh.

"That's because you are a fantastic person, and I lucked out when I met you. I'm going to be fine, Pep. Thank you. If it reassures you, I'll even set JARVIS to remind me to eat and all." 

JARVIS, because he's sassy like that, intrudes in the conversation right in the phone. "If I may, I did try to remind Sir he should have dinner, but it was ignored."

Tony huffs. "Don't gang up on me, Jay."

Pepper laughs. "It's us, caring. Good night, Tony."

"Good night." He hangs up, trading phone for key and he cannot resist looking back at Steve.

"Not-"

"Your girlfriend?" Steve completes with a little smile

Tony winks, playing it as a joke even if some days it's still tender. "Nope. Not anymore. Good night."

"Wait," Steve says, before Tony closes his door, and he pauses in surprise. Steve dashes in his own room, then comes back and offers him something, face so hopeful that Tony takes it without question. Steve smiles and nods, before closing his door. 

Tony looks down to the butterscotch pudding and spoon in his hand and can't help smiling too. 

 

****

 

It's thankfully pretty easy to deescalate the tension with Tony: Steve gives him space – at least the first few days - and snacks. Encouraged by the success of the first pudding cup, Steve goes by trial and error and over the weeks he starts building a list.

\- No go: licorice, apples (and by the way who doesn't like apples? Tony it seems);  
\- Good options: trail mixes, potato chips, chocolate;  
\- Real fucking hits : cheese, little fruits, popcorn, pudding.

His atonement gestures quickly become just reasons for Steve to look after Tony. They are even more appreciated when he learns how Tony likes his coffee. Steve tries not to overdo that one, though, afraid that Tony would come to rely on him for his caffeine fix; he always seem happily surprised by food that is way better for him anyway. 

They both have a temper, though, and it takes very little for them to fall into arguments. Tony uses words to cut when he feels cornered, and he's ruthlessly efficient to find out where it hurts. Steve learns to be careful with what he says, especially if it has to do with character traits or judgment calls, but it's clear pretty fast that Tony doesn't like being coddled. Frankly, once Steve risks it, light teasing and dry humor works best to interact with the man.

Tony soaks up knowledge like a sponge as long as he gets the opportunity to rapidly scan the material or listen to a lecture once. He's absolutely _brilliant_ and every single day that goes by makes it even more obvious. Tony was already exceptional in their Space Academy days, but Steve is only now grasping the scope of what 'genius' actually means. The word has been said in the same breath as 'Tony Stark' for years, but Steve thought was hyperbole for 'very smart' and 'business savvy enough to make a profit when you start with several millions in the first place'. Unfair assumptions, again.

When Tony decides to participate in class – and isn't seemingly asleep on his desk – he runs laps around the instructors and teachers whom are the very top of their fields. There are a couple of candidates who are, like him, real quick on the theoretical side of things, but a bit weaker at the hands-on stuff. It shouldn't be possible but Tony is even better with _that_. It's a thing of beauty to see him work with his hands and use that big brain of his in simulation exercise. He's also the best of them in the flight simulators, better even than the Air Force pilots among the candidates. Tony says it's because he's been piloting for years, but it's more than that. Clearly it's in his bones. It's very clear that he has everything to become a gifted astronaut, but Steve cannot help thinking that Tony would be priceless on NASA's ground crew to help solve problems in case of emergencies; he always seem to find solutions that are practical (and often elegant!) that make the jaded NASA techs and engineers type furiously on their tablets to record the potential fixes to the future ships or the International Space Station. 

What is also very obvious is that Tony's not just a candidate in a class of potential future astronauts. Steve's schedule is so busy it makes the weeks and the fly by, especially since he's cramming hours flying the T-38 so he can qualify as much as a pilot astronaut than a mission specialist astronaut, but he can't imagine how fast it must go for Tony who does that and more. He misses class and training occasionally, which Steve supposes is because he's working on the future engine (he often disappears after a call from Fury or the engineering department). The serum has blessed Steve with extremely sensitive hearing, so he notices that on those days Tony comes back to his room late at night, only to be right up at dawn for training like everyone else. 

There are also several instances when Tony had to deal with issues related to his company. Steve met Pepper Potts, once, when she came to check on Tony who'd caught a cold. After just a couple of minutes with them, he'd been simultaneously drawn by Pepper's beauty and hyper competence while being jealous of her obvious complicity with Tony. Even if they aren't together anymore – a fact that Tony made sure to point out to Steve again, because he just won't let that line of teasing go – it's obvious that they care about each other greatly. 

Steve catches himself looking at Tony a lot. There's something interesting in class? He glances at Tony to see how he reacts. Tony laughs? He's instantly distracted. There's a debate between Tony and an instructor? Steve drinks in every expressive gesture, and often loses the plot because there's very little in the world more attractive than Tony Stark having entered passionate mode. God he's beautiful. Steve's eyes are drawn to him as if they are mounted on magnets and Tony's made of iron.

The damning thing is that Tony might have been oblivious to the depth of Steve's rapidly increasing infatuation at first, but he has caught him staring enough times that he now knows. Thankfully it doesn't seem to bother him; on the contrary Tony seems to like the attention. Heck, he's caught Tony openly checking him out several times too, especially in the gym, but then again he does it with anyone attractive. 

For the first couple of days of Advanced, Tony was still mad; now they more often than not sit next to each other, or pair up for simulation scenarios and make a truly kickass team. Unfortunately Steve wouldn't say that they are friends yet: they don't hang out, and only talk about work. He found the guts to 'casually' ask Tony to join Sam and him for lunch a couple of times, but he was always turned politely down. Speaking of Sam, he's noticed Steve's crush too and keeps urging him to make a move because the 'epic pining' as he calls it makes him sick and needs to end. 

It might be presumptuous, but Steve is ninety-five percent sure that if he did make a pass at Tony it would be successful. They would have sex, and it would surely be amazingly hot, but then what? There are no guaranties that it would make Tony like him more, apart from the physical, and fuck buddies is definitely not what Steve is looking for. On top it would be totally unprofessional and Steve is convinced that it would hurt his chances with Director Fury to be chosen for the test flight with Tony. And no test flight means no Mars, and that's totally unacceptable. Not in exchange for meaningless sex, anyway, not after working so hard and getting Dr Erskine fired so he could have a shot for that trip specifically.

They are in the middle of a Tuesday morning when they suddenly have a couple of hours unexpectedly free. Tony, who is uncharacteristically without his Stark tablet and for once not fiddling with his phone, looks at Steve as they leave class, thoughtful. He doesn't say anything, just stares. It's weird.

"What?"

"Thinking," Tony says, rubbing his mouth. And still gauging up Steve for something, which is unnerving.

"Aren't you always?" Steve replies.

Tony smiles. "Ain't that the truth." He seems to come to a decision, nodding to himself, then continues, "Wanna see something cool?"

Steve won't lie, his stomach instantly fills up with butterflies. Not only did Tony just reach out to him, he did it exactly as he used to in Space Academy. 

_"Hey Steve, wanna see something cool? They've put the Multi-Axis Trainer in the gym for tomorrow, they call it the barf chair I think."_

Or _"Hey, Steve, want to see where they keep all the best Rover models made by Academicians before us?"_

Or, _"There's an old telescope behind the building over there, wanna see?"_

Like then, Steve can't resist. "For sure. Lead the way."

Tony grins, satisfied, and they soon leave the main building of the Johnson Center in Tony's crazy british electric sports car, zooming in the streets of Houston way too fast. They chat all the while about how the morning's exercise on Inventory Management Systems could have been made better, and Tony drives them to a hangar on a guarded lot. It shouldn't be, because they usually assemble them in Florida, but Steve is immediately convinced that this hangar is where they are building the shuttle, not just testing Tony's engine. His hands turn clammy and his heart is racing; the ship has been kept a secret and he cannot wait to see it.

Tony goes through a slew of identification protocols, reassures a security guard about Steve's credentials, but eventually unlock the hangar's door and disappears inside. It's one thing to be expecting a shuttle, but Steve stutters to a halt when he actually sees her. His jaw may even unhinge.

"Light up the room and show him my baby, JARVIS!" 

One or two of Steve's neurons wonder how Tony convinced Director Fury to let him install his AI in here, but it's quickly dismissed in favor of admiring the sleek curves of the spaceship in the middle of the room. It's… unlike anything Steve has ever seen.

She's absolutely gorgeous. 

"Oh," Steve breathes out.

"I know, right?" Tony hasn't stopped walking and is now underneath the ship's wing, arm up to trail his fingers on the underside. "She's pretty much done, now. We've been working on the mock-up that will go in the Neutral Buoyancy Laboratory's pool, and the partial ones for sims, but this baby only needs a couple of tests before she's ready to go."

"Wow." Steve gulps, throat a little dry. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Agreed." Tony huffs. "Heck, I've had her pinned over my bed for months, and seeing her never gets old."

Steve laughs. "That poster you asked for?"

"Yeah." Tony winks, extra proud of himself about that one. He climbs the scaffoldings and opens the door. "Come on, you know you want to have a look inside."

Of course Steve does. He follows Tony in, and even though it's more apparent here that the ship is not entirely finished, it's amazing too, all polished metal, screens and control panels with actual gauges and switches. Tony is listing up the ship's characteristics and any other moment Steve would drink it all up, but all he sees is the proprietary way Tony runs his hands on anything that happens to be close enough. He's so passionate about the ship, so obviously smitten that Steve learns that he can become – and actually is - jealous of an object. He cannot take his eyes off Tony and above everything, viscerally, he _wants_. At the moment he doesn't care that it's a terrible idea to give in, about how it's highly probable he's going to end up broken-hearted again, that he might risk his lifelong dream. He couldn't care less about any of that: he needs Tony's hands on _him_.

In short, Steve's restraint snaps. One minute he's watching Tony babble about navigation and control software, the next he's taken three big steps and is crowding him against the back of the pilot chair. He's using his height advantage to loom, and when there is no protest, no move on Tony's part to put space back between them - just big brown eyes looking up at him with curiosity and rapidly darkening with answered lust - Steve puts his hands on Tony's hips and catches his mouth in a kiss. There's nothing tentative about it, nothing soft, its pure need and desperation and Tony immediately responds, opening his mouth with a groan. It's the polar opposite of the kisses they shared all of those years ago, but the swooping in Steve's gut, that's exactly the same. He's totally, irrevocably in love with Tony Stark all over again, and probably doomed for it.

"Finally," Tony says when they part to breathe, his lips stretching up in a sly grin. "I was beginning to think you'd just eyefuck me all the way to the moon and back."

"We shouldn't be doing this." Of course that he says the words as he's pushing a thigh between Tony's leg and sliding his hands under Tony's shirt, greedy for more skin, undermines Steve's argument a bit.

"Probably not," Tony says, mouthing at Steve's throat and undoing his fly. "Do I care? Not at all. You're so fucking hot."

Jesus, Steve is so keyed up that the light touch of Tony's hands brushing his erection in the process makes him want to buck and grind until he comes. Tony makes them flip places, pushing Steve against the back of the pilot's chair at his turn and sinks to his knees, right there and then, pulling Steve's pants and underwear down mid-thigh at the same time. Steve barely has time to gasp that Tony is taking him into his mouth and giving him a terribly effective blowjob. Maybe it's because it's Tony, and that Steve has wanted him for months now, but every trick he does with his tongue, every well-timed suck or deliberate use of teeth is driving Steve closer to orgasm and very fast at that. 

"You're amazing, that's so good," Steve babbles, gently touching the side of Tony's face. "God, I've wanted your mouth of me forever."

When Tony looks up at him it's almost Steve's undoing, seeing mirth and playfulness in those huge brown eyes. Tony loves the power he has on Steve right now, that he is making him squirm and the bastard goddamn winks before drawing breath deliberately by his nose and then angling his head down again, breaking eyes contact, but going down, down, down until he's got all of Steve's considerable length down his throat. He's never had anyone do this for him before – not before the serum and definitely not the couple of times he's had sex after - and it's overwhelming, especially when Tony swallows.

"Jesus Fucking Christ!" Steve swears, grabbing the seat behind him or else he might push on Tony's head to keep him right there where he is. "Fuck! I'm so fucking close Tony!"

He's going to come any second now, but Tony doesn't let up, just swallows again and taps his hand against Steve's thigh where he's been resting them. It can't be anything else but permission to come and that's it, game over. Steve is powerless to do anything but let go and he groans loudly as he comes what seems to be an obscenely long time right down Tony's throat, who almost kills him by continuing to swallow until he's spent. Only then does Tony pull off, his face red and eyes watery from having held his breath so long. 

It's like Steve is currently made of noodles, his legs barely keeping him upright. He goes to reach for Tony's face, filled with wonder and looking for a more personal contact but Tony's already getting up and evades the touch, deliberately or not. 

"Liked that, Big Guy?" Tony asks, voice raspy. He looks even more smug than earlier, but frankly he has every reason to. 

"A lot." Steve leans down to kiss him again, thrilled when Tony responds with enthusiasm, eagerly rubbing off against Steve's hip. 

There are so many things he would love to do to Tony, to make him feel as good as Steve does. He considers blowing Tony at his turn, maybe even sit him in the pilot chair to do so, but Tony is undoing his own pants and looks as if he's ready to finish himself off.

"I could," Steve starts to say.

"It's fine." Tony's voice is still raspy, which causes a renewed surge of lust in Steve. God, he did that. 

Steve grips the fabric of Tony's pants at hip level and pushes them down, before knocking Tony's hand aside to grab his cock. There is no way he will have sex with Tony Stark without touching him. Tony seems to appreciate the initiative, judging by a low groan.

"Fuck yes." His hips snap forward as he thrusts in Steve's fist. "I'm close, haven't done this in forever."

Steve wonders if forever in Tony's world means since he arrived at the Johnson Space Center, or a month ago when he disappeared for three whole days and came back with a flush on his cheeks as he extolled the virtues of some guy who supposedly did the best Einstein-Rosen bridge calculations save from Foster. It's clear that Tony appreciates smart people; in fact he turns the charm on at any sign of repartee or brains, but the gushing about Selvig whomever seemed excessive. Like the pathetic loser he is, Steve had just listened to the dawn of a possible revolution in science while asking questions and feeding Tony his favorite snacks, as if it was a way to compete with extra good math. 

"I've got you," Steve says, because right now he's the one Tony chose to be with. 

He's trying his very best to make the handjob as good as he can, eager to repeat any change in pressure or speed that makes Tony react in a good way. His other hand is firmly at Tony's nape, keeping him in place to kiss him deep and forceful. He drinks in every hitch of his breath, the most minuscule sound, and Tony is hanging tight to Steve's t-shirt and getting more and more erratic in his movements. It takes another couple of strokes and Tony tenses up, shuddering against him. He has pulled back from the kiss and makes a keening sound in the back of his throat; Steve's own dick twitches as he drinks in the face Tony makes as he comes, eyes glazing over. He looks surprised for a second and strangely vulnerable, but rapidly drops his forehead on Steve's shoulder as he gets his breath back.

Steve has slowed his hand's movements and stops when he's sure that Tony's through the aftershocks. He still has a hand at Tony's nape and he cannot resist the impulse to bury his fingers in his thick hair and scratch lightly, which makes Tony go even more boneless against him. It's quiet and good for a few more seconds until the voice of Tony's AI makes them both jump.

"Pardon me, Sir, but I inferred that you would want to be informed that the Stark Resilient team is on the premises and should enter the hangar in approximately three minutes."

It's like the bottom drops out of Steve's stomach, post-coital relaxation gone in a flash at the idea of getting caught having sex where he's not even supposed to be. He takes his hands off Tony, though he doesn't know what to do with the one covered in spunk. It's not like he can wipe it on his pants or anything. Steve twists to see over his shoulder that a screen on the ship's dash is showing the feed of the camera overlooking the door of the hangar. Two men and two women are doing the security scanning and procedures necessary to get in. 

"Shit!" Steve breathes out. 

Tony takes a step back and he's looking around while pulling his clothes back together. "Thanks JARVIS, the head's up is appreciated. Dammit, I thought- " He stops and makes a triumphant sound when he grabs something from a console on his right. "Knew I had one left."

The 'one' in question seems to be a cookie, that he shoves fully into his mouth, to Steve's mounting confusion. It's only when Tony rolls his eyes and shoves the napkin the cookie was wrapped in at Steve with a grumbling sound that he gets that Tony found something to clean his hand with. He takes it gratefully and hurries to make the sticky mess disappear from his hand and his stomach. Once done, Steve hikes his boxer-briefs and pants back up, shoves the soiled napkin deep in his pocket and re-fastens everything with clumsy hands. 

"If you knew someone was coming over, you should have said."

Tony makes a muffled sound again and Steve can't help a small laugh at his bulging cheek full of cookie. The expression on his face is of clear exasperation and he makes a very clear 'I didn't know' raise of shoulders. If he'd been aware that there was a chance of being caught, Steve would probably not have risked jumping Tony. Frankly, though, he cannot make himself regret it.

The serum has made all of Steve's senses enhance, and he hopes that the smell of sex isn't as blatant to someone coming in the ship as it is for him. 

Steve can also hear that the four persons have entered the hangar, and it won't be long until they climb in the ship too, or at least be close enough to see them.

"I could eat, too," Steve says as Tony finishes swallowing his cookie, half declaration, half invitation. They probably should talk about this and figure out what it means, and if it's going anywhere.

Tony makes a face that is more of a grimace that anything; he shakes his head no. "I can't. I'm working on Nerio this afternoon, that's why my people are here. And no, I didn't know they'd get here so early."

It's disappointing that Tony doesn't want to discuss this, but not unexpected. 

"Hum. Want to stay and check out the tests?" Tony asks. He is strangely hesitant and Steve figures that he offers just to be polite, not because he wants him here.

As much as he would love to learn everything about the ship, not everyone can skip an orbit shaping lecture. "I have class."

After fishing his car keys out of his pocket, Tony puts them in Steve's hand before stepping back a couple of paces again. "Go, take the Rimac."

That car must be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. "Yeah?" 

Tony smiles. "Sure. Have fun. Come on, I'll introduce you before you go."

There are feet clanging on the stairs leading to the shuttle's door, and a woman with an English accent declining a list of some sort.

"Hey boys and girls," Tony greets, as if nothing in particular was happening second ago.

"Mister Stark!" the woman with the English accent exclaims. She's young and pretty, a slip of a thing in a lab coat that says Stark Resilient on the pocket. "I didn't know you were already here!" 

She focuses on Steve, head tilting to the side, eyes scanning his chest – looking for a badge probably, they are all wearing one… save from Tony and Steve. He's not supposed to be here, and she knows it.

"Ah, yes, Steve, these are my people, the best in the aeronautics and aerospacial business for sure." He gestures in turns to a big guy who looks more like a marine than a technician, a small brunette looking at him with curiosity, a man with a friendly smile, and the woman who spoke up. "This is Mack, Daisy, Trip and hopefully the future mother of my genius children, Jemma."

Steve _knows_ it's just a tease, especially when he sees how Jemma rolls her eyes in fond exasperation, but Steve feels a pang of jealousy anyway. It annoys him that they just had sex and Tony is fake hitting on someone just as usual. But then again, it's Tony, and that's the way he is so Steve needs to deal with it.

"Nice to meet you," Steve says.

"I'm pretty sure that Steve will be the one going to Mars." 

Steve startles and looks at Tony: there is no sign that he's making a joke or just teasing Steve this time. He is speaking his mind as if confident he's right. 

"You think so?" God, he wishes it so much.

"Yeah. You're among the top of the class for most subjects and sim training, in insane physical shape and real cool under pressure." Tony shrugs, as it's all evidence. "Fury hasn't talked about it with me, it's not like I know what goes on behind that eyepatch of his, but if I'd have to bet, my money would be on you."

The praise is a surprise, and it makes Steve warm all over. It means a lot that Tony acknowledges that he'd be a good fit, and therefore thinks highly of him even though they often butt heads. Steve is pretty sure that he's blushing, which is embarrassing.

"Thanks, I sure hope you're right."

Tony winks. "I generally am."

"Is that why you brought Steve today?" Jemma asks. 

"Nah," Tony says, drawling the word long and smiling wide. "That was just showing my girl off."

Jemma huffs through her nose. "Of course. I'm surprised it hasn't happened before. It probably didn't just because Captain Rhodes is deployed."

"Nero's a very pretty girl, it's tempting to show her off," the man called Mack adds and Jemma hits him on the arm with her tablet. 

"Don't encourage him!" she scolds.

"She's the prettiest," Steve says, but he knows he has to go. "I'll leave you to your work, I need to go eat before the afternoon classes. He didn't have lunch by the way," Steve adds, pointing at Tony.

"I'm fine," Tony says.

"Again?" Jemma exclaims. She scowls at Tony. "Miss Potts was very clear-"

"It's fine!" Tony protests. "I even ate a cookie just now!"

Steve looks at Tony and how they bicker for a minute, but soon edges out. He wants to ask Tony to come and find him tonight, but he loses his nerve. Steve finally just smiles before he goes, saluting everyone and giving the ship a long once over when he's near the door. 

Soon he'll have the chance to see her again. And in the meantime, he'll find a way to talk to Tony.

****

Normally when Tony works on Nerio he's either hyperfocused or bubbling with ideas about things to improve or to add; today he can't seem to get his head in the game. He keeps going back to Steve jumping him in the ship, and how turned on he had gotten when giving him a blowjob. Also, maybe more embarrassingly, how a simple hand job – a great one, though - reduced him to an incoherent shaky mess. He hasn't had an orgasm with another person in two years, not since the break up with Pepper, so maybe it's not that surprising after all. Tony had missed sex in an abstract kind of way, but found himself content with his right hand. Keeping the arc reactor private made flings difficult for casual sex and Tony was more than busy with Stark Resilient anyway. The rush of endorphins brought by sex earlier had been incredible, though, and he wonders why he waited for so long when it feels so good. 

Well he thought about getting laid more often lately, and had almost even made a pass at Johnny Storm in his first day in Advance, but Steve had been a total surprise. Oh, he'd caught him looking before today, for sure. Tony's aware that it's extremely conceited to say, but he's got experience with people looking. The notoriety is one thing, his reputation draws in some people too, but that's not how Steve watched him though. No, Steve was curious, sometimes even admiring and Tony soaked up the attention. But there's a big difference between finding someone interesting and actually making a move, and Tony had been certain the latter would never happen. Steve had proved him very wrong on that front, though. Christ, he'd been so hot, all intent and deep want when he finally cornered him in the ship. 

He's trying to go through the test sequences with Jemma and Mack, Daisy going over the software and Tripp busy installing one of the last consoles, but Tony keeps having flashes of the hook up. Touching Steve's washboard abs. How his cock had stretched Tony's mouth and throat obscenely. The smell of musk and sex. The sounds Steve made when he came. How he'd gripped the seat behind him so hard, Tony was sure that the metal had dented under his fingers. It's like Tony’s libido has been dormant for years and now has been jump started and he cannot put it back in the box. 

The sex was great and he wants Steve _again_. He wonders if Steve is regretting it; he did say right from the start that it was a bad idea, and frankly Tony agrees with that assessment. They don't need the complication, and surely Fury would be furious if he knew. Tony had brought Steve to the hangar on a whim, to show him Nerio, but also maybe to involve him in the testing. Steve might find working on the ship interesting, and if he spent time on that, it would also be with Tony tangentially, something he was finding himself wanting more and more. So much for that, though, because Steve had gotten out as soon as he could, even after they had sex, so clearly he wasn't interested in him for more than that. 

It's okay, Tony can do no strings attached sex, he practically did only that for years. A little more than just getting off would be nice, though. He deliberately tries to push that idea away, Tony cannot afford letting sentiment get mixed up in all of this. They have a job to do, and they will do it well. Maybe they'll have a little fun on the side, and that isn't harming anyone.

The last adjustments on Nerio finish mid evening, and she's pretty much done now. The real test will be when they officially liftoff, and there's very little more they can do to prepare. It also means that Tony will have to share this ship, mainly his baby, with the world. He's proud of her, she's his best creation, and Tony is sure of one thing: he has to be one of the two people to go in the test flight. He's a hundred percent sure at this point that he proved his worth, but he keeps a ten percent uncertainty on the outcome just because Fury is a goddamn wild card. As for the second person, Tony meant what he said earlier: Steve has the most chance of being picked as the first astronaut to go to Mars. He'd be jealous if he hadn't accepted a couple of years ago that it wouldn't be him. Steve deserves it, though. 

Even though him and Steve are most probably the ones who will end up in the test flight, and after that Steve to Mars, the whole promotion needs to prepare as if they have a chance. Therefore all the candidates of Advance Training will need to start their formation on Nerio in the next few days. It's imperative that they all learn every nook and cranny and that they prepare for any eventuality. Heck, some of them will end up on the ground crew, and Tony knows the importance of redundancy. 

Tony has designed fantastic flight simulators for Nerio, complete with virtual reality immersion. The programmer and coders at Stark Resilient are finishing the bug sweeping, and it should be ready for the candidates to try in ten days. Also, the Nerio mock-up is almost done, and will soon be put in the pool at the Neutral Buoyancy Laboratories. On top, Stark Resilient has put together training material on the propulsion system and the exterior shielding. Jemma will be giving those classes, though she requested that Tony not attend because 'it would make her nervous'. He thinks it's more because she's brilliant and knows he would be a distraction, and just a nuisance. They agreed that he'll be there for the hands-on exercises, though.

He's thinking about potential scenarios that he'd put in simulation when he reaches his door and frowns at a paper being taped to it. When Tony unfolds it, he finds Steve's handwriting. 

_Knock for your keys, S._

Tony frowns because the car can wait, but then he realizes that his apartment keys are on the ring too. Oh, right, he didn't think that through. His phone says it's 8 o'clock, so at least it's still an acceptable hour. He therefore knocks on Steve's door, and he doesn't realize he should have thought to brace himself until it opens. One look at Steve – beautiful and sexy Steve - and Tony is assaulted by a vivid recollection of the sex on the ship and he's almost left speechless. Almost, because shaken or not, he knows how to go through the motions.

"Hey. I hope you weren't asleep yet?"

"Of course not," Steve says with an eye roll. He slides to the side, opening his doorway to Tony. "Come in."

Tony wants to say that he's all right where he is in the corridor; there is no need for him to go in just to get his keys. But Steve doesn't move until Tony enters.

"Did you eat?" Steve is moving to his fridge and Tony has a quick look around. 

He's surprised that there is very little on Steve's walls, as bare as his own save from a clock and a calendar. 

"Yes, Mack called for pizza." It's been hours, though, and Tony's traitor stomach growls. 

A pudding cup appears in front of his face and Tony jumps. It's eerie how silently Steve moves around. 

"Thanks," Tony says, grabbing the pudding and spoon. Steve always seems to have food with him, and if he keeps offering it Tony, he will certainly not turn it down.

"I'd bet it was for lunch, not for dinner," Steve says, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks amused, though.

And he got it in one. Tony winks as he takes a spoonful of butterscotch pudding. "It's a possibility." 

Steve's eyes fall to his mouth and it's like being sucker punched by desire. Tony cannot curb the urge to suck on the spoon as he pulls it out, and Steve's pupils visibly dilate.

That’s good, that means Steve wants him again and he can work with that. He deliberately puts the pudding down, weighting in if there are more chances of success if he makes the first move this time. Steve opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something, maybe repeat that they shouldn’t do this, but he then changes his mind and… he’s advancing on Tony once more. Fuck he’s hot, all grace and power, a determined glint in his eyes. It’s like they are opposing poles of a magnet as Tony surges to meet him; from one moment to the next they’re plastered together, kissing deep and dirty.

Tony pushes Steve’s t-shirt up, and he immediately obliges and pulls it off by the collar when Tony does the same. They’re back to kissing, somewhat clumsily as they both work on their pants. It’s Steve, barefoot to begin with, who ends up naked first. He tries to guide him to the bed but there’s the little problem with Tony's pants not coming off because they are frustratingly stuck by his shoes. Tony almost falls on his face, unbalanced, but Steve catches him and Tony starts laughing. It’s ridiculous. 

"Come on," Steve urges, but he’s chuckling too.

"I'm trying!"

He manages to get the shoes off, finally, and the pants and socks follow. Next thing he knows he's been manhandled to the bed. 

"I want-" Steve starts as he climbs on top of him, kissing him deep. 

The amount of skin touching is making Tony's head spin. He touches and grabs anything in reach, greedy for it. "Whatever you want," he says when the kiss breaks so they can breathe.

Steve leans in, watching him with dark and heated eyes. "Can I fuck you?"

As blunt as he is, Steve looks flushed and Tony doesn't know if it's because he's turned on or embarrassed. He has nothing to be shy about, goddamn he's built all over.

"Yes!" Tony hasn't been fucked in years, but just thinking about it is so hot that it sends a fresh wave of pure want through his veins. "Come on," he urges at his turn.

There is lube and condoms in the bedside table and Steve immediately starts prepping and stretching him. Maybe with a little too much enthusiasm, even, it's only one finger and Tony hisses in discomfort. Steve stills, starts to draw back and Tony hurries to grab his wrist to keep him in place.

"S'okay, just go slow?" Tony chuckles. "Fuck, even your fingers are huge!"

Steve makes a face, looking embarrassed. "Sorry, I forgot." How the size of your own fingers is something you forget does not compute for Tony, but it's not important since Steve is already more careful, adding lube and moving gently to let Tony adjust. "Better?"

"Yeah." It does feel real good. He breathes deeply and tries to relax on the exhale.

"That's it," Steve says softly. "Christ, you're so tight."

"It should get better as s-" He hasn't finished his sentence that Steve grazes right at his sweet spot and words turn into a deep moan. "Yeah, right there."

Fuck that's good. It's also the key to make him relax into it, and Steve catches on immediately. Over the next minutes, he manages to wind him up so good Tony is a hair breadth away from coming, begging for more than three of Steve's magnificently talented fingers. Half the thrill is how Steve is eating him up with his eyes and the continuous praise of how beautiful and good he is. He has one hand busy with Tony's ass while he trails the tip of his fingers of his other hand all over Tony, ankle to hip, then mapping his torso, skirting around the reactor somewhat reverently but pinching his nipples, then following his collar-bone to reach his neck, then down to the shoulders, slide to the hands. 

On a second circuit he pauses near the arc reactor, tracing the scars as if they are not the ugliest thing he's ever seen but on the contrary totally fascinating. He lingers there, enough to almost make Tony uncomfortable - the reactor is a very in-your-face representation of his heart after all - but he's too distracted by the fingers in his ass to really mind. 

"Can I see it again?"

Unfairly Steve asks the questions as he curls his fingers inside Tony and the bright burst of pleasure washes over him like a wave. He'd do a lot more than show off the light in his chest for Steve to do that again.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Tony says, scratching at the edge of the reactor to dislodge the fake skin. 

Since Afghanistan only a handful of people have seen the reactor, with various reactions. The open admiration on Steve's face is flattering.

"It's amazing. You're amazing."

Tony might brag that he's the best on the regular, but he's not that comfortable receiving honest praise. Oh, he knows he's good at a lot of things, but he's also aware that he's got tons of issues that even he doesn't want to touch with a ten foot pole. Steve must realize that he's making him uneasy because he tears his eyes away from the reactor and goes back to his caresses, to telling Tony how good he feels and other light dirty talk that is a lot easier to take. But there's an intensity in his gaze that makes Tony feels more than naked, like he's totally opened and Steve could see everything that is inside if he just looks in his eyes. It's unsettling for him to feel that vulnerable, so Tony urges things along.

"I'm ready, I'm great, fuck me," he demands. He is, too. "Put that cock in me right now or help me God…"

Steve chuckles. "Or what?"

He teases, but at least he does as asked, taking his marvellous fingers away put on a condom. 

"Or I'll do it myself," Tony says. "Put you on your back and ride you to get what I need."

There's no denying that the suggestion totally works for Steve, who makes a choked up sound, hand clamping at the base of his dick.

"Fuck."

"Is the objective, yes." 

When Steve stays still a second too long in getting in with the program, Tony puts his threat into effect. He sits up, catches Steve's mouth into a dirty kiss, and guides him down to the bed. He couldn't move Steve if he'd resist, but he complies readily. 

"There you go, Gorgeous," Tony says, straddling his thighs and then scooting up to get in position.

"God." Steve is wide-eyed in wonder, as if this is the best thing that ever happened to him, which is a definite stroke for the ego. "Tony."

Taking a good grip at the base of Steve's cock to make it jut out just right, Tony then slowly lets gravity do its work. Fuck Steve's big, but it already promises to be incredible. It's a bit easier to take when he breathes slow again and closes his eyes, controlling every movement. Steve obligingly doesn't move, just holds him by the hips.

"You're so beautiful," Steve says, "and you feel so good." 

"You feel great too, Big Guy," Tony says, taking a moment to adjust when he finally manages to take it all. 

From there he falls back on experience to give both him and Steve maximum pleasure, setting a good rhythm moving on Steve's cock. He takes what he needs and boy, it's goddamn easy when you're able to play with something as magnificent as Steve's body and cock. Tony's always prided himself in making his bed partners feel good, it makes everything better for him too, and Steve is so very responsive to every touch that it's a delight. In this position Tony can control the pace, the angle, and the view is goddamn beautiful. Steve's eyes are half closed, watching him intently, and he's been biting his lower lip quite a bit, which leaves it red and puffy. A good clenching up on his dick and Steve tightens his hold on Tony's hips.

"Do you want me to come?" Steve asks. His voice is lower, scratchy with desire.

A good question. It's great, but Tony won't be able to sustain this rhythm for much longer, at least by himself. He grins. "Do I get to decide?" 

"Yes." Not a second of hesitation, just ready acceptance and it's somehow insanely hot.

"Make me come and you can follow."

The challenge, as soon as it's voiced, is accepted. From almost passive and letting Tony do as he pleases, Steve takes a good hold of him and starts bucking up, pounding in mercilessly. 

"Oh, shit!" Tony says, almost choking on his own spit. 

"Touch yourself," Steve demands and yeah, that's the greatest idea ever. 

As soon as Tony wraps a hand around his own cock, the pleasure ratchets up, and he's soon pumping as fast as he can, chasing the edge of release until he stumbles over it, pleasure exploding inside his nervous system. Steve doesn't let off, continues to fuck him all through the aftershocks and then more. Then, as if he was just waiting to be sure he'd wrung the last bit of orgasm out of Tony, Steve then bucks in hard and goes still, coming while spouting a string of profanities. It shouldn't be as hot as it is.

Tony bends forward until he's lying on Steve's chest, as they both catch their breaths. Goddamn, it was spectacular. And this is nice, too, forehead resting in the crook of Steve's neck, who has started to gently trail his fingers up and down Tony's back, soothing. As much as he likes to pretend he's perfectly fine on his own, it forces Tony to admit that he's soaking in everything about this. He's basically touch starved, and it makes this thing he is starting with Steve very dangerous: he has to remember that it's just sex and not be clingy. But it's okay, he has almost as much experience getting out of beds than he has getting into them. As soon as he can make himself do it, Tony pushes up on his forearms and grins down at Steve.

"That was great!"

Steve smiles back, hands going to rest at Tony's hips again, like they are made for it which is a terrible line of thought Tony should stop right now. 

"It was amazing."

He's so beautiful, still pink from exertion, eyes shining almost electric blue in the light of the arc reactor.

"We should do that again," Tony says, un straddling Steve - okay, he's going to be sore - and taking care of the condom. 

For a second it had felt as if Steve had wanted to keep him from moving, maybe because he's still pretty hard which is impressive, but he'd let go and doesn't say anything. Getting up on jelly legs, Tony goes to Steve's bathroom, smiles at the Marvin the Martian shower curtain, and after a rapid cleaning up brings a damp washcloth back to Steve, sprawled on the bed like a satisfied big cat. It's hard not to stare at his perfect body, and even more difficult not to give into the temptation to lie back down at his side. He throws him the washcloth instead, laughing when Steve grabs it in the air but squeezes so he gets water in his face. Clothes, he can do clothes, and then he'll go, no fuss no muss. He starts to dress up again and call him a coward, but he does it in a way that helps him avoid looking at Steve. As much as he wants - no, as much as he needs- to keep this simple, Tony would be disappointed to see Steve indifferent at the fact he's slinking out. Or even worse to that he's relieved.

"Is it Environmental Control and Life Support Systems tomorrow morning?" Tony asks casually, face now in his t-shirt, even though he's memorized the schedule a long time ago. 

"Yeah," Steve says. 

For a second Tony wonders if he should leave like this, or if it would be weird if he doesn't kiss Steve. They just had sex, and he's always kissed his hook ups goodbye, unless he slipped out of bed when they were asleep. Judging that not kissing Steve would be weirder than kissing him, he gathers his nerves and goes back to the bed. Steve is watching him with guarded eyes, as if he doesn't quite know what to make of him or what to expect. It's not indifference, thank God, but not that welcoming or happy either. Committed to his course of action, Tony bends down to kiss him on the mouth, lingering for a beat, a nice good-bye-I-had-a-good-time kiss with no tongue, that Steve answers in kind. He allows himself to caress Steve's hair and straightens up with a smile.

"Sweet dreams," he says, resisting adding an endearment.

"You too," Steve says softly. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, g'night."

Tony thankfully remembers to pocket his keys that are on Steve's dresser, and he grabs the barely started pudding cup, taking a bite and winking at Steve in a way he hope appears carefree and playful before he gets out.

Okay, so that was almost smooth. The first thing he does when in his room is to finish the pudding before hopping in a hot shower, trying not to replay everything in a loop as he did all afternoon. Thankfully he's still filled with endorphins, so when he slips in his bed afterwards, Tony falls asleep pretty much as his head touches the pillow.

****

It's official, Tony Stark is going to drive him crazy. There is no other way about it. They regularly have sex since that first time in the ship, but Steve is still not sure Tony even likes him. Each time it happens Steve resolves that he won't do it again until they've talked about it, but as soon as they touch, or Tony looks at him a certain way, all of his words dry up. They are both enjoying the sex, that's clear enough. They've had quickies and often risky handjobs or blowjobs between classes - or in class, that one time that Steve cannot believe he let happen - or the occasional fucking. It's totally unprofessional and yet...

Steve hasn't slept with a lot of people, seven in total to be exact, and three of those were one night stands. Nothing in his limited experience compares with the way Tony is effortlessly sexual and sensual, which is mind-blowing hot. He's practically shameless, never shy to ask what he wants and a very thoughtful lover on top. Steve is the one who initiates sex most of the time, even though he's promised himself so often that he would stop. He loves Tony, wants way more than just fantastic orgasms, but he's unable to voice that. At least he insults him less often, and manages to compliment him more. It's as far as he seems to be able to go without chickening out, and if Tony can't guess that Steve is pretty much gone on him, his genius title should be revoked. God, he's so obvious. Steve is afraid that if he outright asks for more, Tony - who looks perfectly fine with what they have - is going to bolt. 

As distracting as it is, and even though thinking about Tony is what keeps him up at night, the training has ramped up and is even more intense than it's been in the last months. The first time that Nerio had been the ship at the Neutral Buoyancy Labs, the class had experienced a mini-freakout, and things have gotten way more competitive since. Everyone wants on that lunar test flight, or the trip to Mars. It's gone from still a little abstract to within reach in weeks for many.

Oh, and Steve is still jealous of an object. He wishes that Tony would look at him the way he looks at Nerio. That he cared about him even a fraction of how he feels about the damn ship, at least enough not to run off as soon as he gets his breath back.

They are practicing spacewalks - EVA - in the pool today, working at changing a couple of shielding tiles, when Steve sees Tony violently jerk. 

"Shit. Shit shit shit." His voice is thready, making Steve immediately worry.

"What is it?"

"My suit is compromised," Tony says, a hand at his neck. "I've got an infiltration."

Steve pushes on the ship to float closer and sees, through Tony's visor, that he's gone deathly pale and that water is indeed getting into his suit. An emergency exercise, then, but what is weird is the way the safety diver immediately comes closer and Steve hears two more jump in the pool.

"It's going to be fine," Steve says, briefly putting a hand on Tony's shoulder that he wants reassuring. "I'll get a patch-"

He's fiddling with the pouch with the adhesive strips when the problem gets a lot more serious, water visibly gushing in now. Way too important a tear to fix with the emergency patches.

"Fuck, what is this shit!" Tony's voice is higher than normal, this is really testing his usual unflappable cool. 

Steve is about to help Tony swim to the surface with the help of the crane-operated system of pulleys when Gavin the security diver swims over. When he reaches for the clamps holding Tony's helmet to his suit, Tony's first reflex is to bat his hand away, hard. Gavin grabs his emergency regulator to show it to Tony, but he doesn't catch on.

"He's got air for you, Tony," Steve says. 

It takes a good five seconds for Tony to process the information, after what he stops fighting, and even helps Gavin get his helmet off. He gratefully takes the regulator to put it in his mouth, nods and gives back the 'okay' sign once he's taken a couple of breaths of air.

Gavin looks at Steve and points to the surface, and they swim up with Tony as the crane pulls them both. As soon as they breach the surface, Tony's bitching.

"What was that? That leak wasn't fixable in time for me to survive, at all. If I was to fake die, a head's up would have been great!"

Maria Hill, on the phone, makes a calm down gesture. "Get me Justin Hammer. There's a problem with the suits."

"You mean that wasn't even on purpose?" Tony yells as the technicians do their best to get them out of the suits as fast as possible. 

"No," Maria says. She looks just as furious, and Steve's blood runs cold. A structural integrity problem like that in space, and that's it. Assured death. 

Tony is angrily stripping out of the suit every time he can get a part off. It's clear that it's not going fast enough.

"How many times did I tell you those suits were crap?" Tony is bitching. "Justin Hammer can't do quality, I told you that."

"We'll take care of it, Stark," Maria says. 

"You better." The shorts and t-shirt Tony's wearing under the suit are soaked, and after a moment of puffing up he turns around and leaves for the locker room. Worried, Steve watches him go but Maria inclines her head, joined by a raise of eyebrows.

"Go."

Does she know? There's something in her eyes that makes him think she does. Steve takes off his own suit with the tech's aid as fast as he can - to be inspected too, he's sure - and hurries after Tony. When he opens the locker's doors, Tony's sitting on a bench, head between his knees.

"Shit shit shit," he's saying under his breath. "Come on, man up, stop this."

"Are you okay?" Steve asks, worried. It must not have been pleasant, but Tony was never in real danger.

Tony jerks, he thought he was alone, but relaxes marginally when he sees Steve. He puts his head back between his knees.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." 

Visibly he's not. Steve sits beside him and puts a hand between his shoulder blades.

"Everything is okay."

"God, I'm pathetic. I thought I was over this. Fuck, fuck."

They've been in the pool for countless hours, and he's never seen Tony bothered. The problem seems to be water getting in the suit, though he's surprised Tony reacted so strongly. But what he said is weird.

"Over what?" Steve asks. 

Tony's laugh is definitely not amused, and verging more towards hysterical.

"In Afghanistan. The terrorists wanted me to make them missiles," Tony says. "Didn't like when I refused. The water bucket was a compelling argument."

It takes a second before it clicks and the bottom drops of Steve's stomach.

"They waterboarded you?" His voice is climbing.

He feels Tony shudder under his palm and fuck, he's nodding, breath hitching.

"Yeah. And my damn car battery was sizzling, too. At one point I thought I wouldn't drown, I'd die electrocuted. Fuck."

"Oh, God." Steve is devastated and at the same time so angry he wants to go kill every single one of those terrorists with his own two hands for hurting Tony.

His voice has cracked and Tony jerks away from his touch, as if burned. "I don't want your pity, Rogers."

Steve huffs. "Pity? No pity. Jesus Christ, Tony, you were tortured! And yet, you get in that pool whenever the instructors ask for it, like it's nothing." Tony is so fucking strong.

"It's nothing if I don't get water on my face when I don't expect it," Tony mumbles. He seems to have relaxed, less defensive but still curled on himself. 

"Did I tell you how amazing you are today?" Steve asks, totally sincere and Tony turns his head to look at him. The honesty must be all over his face because Tony musters a small smile.

"Not yet."

Steve tugs on Tony's wet t-shirt, it must be uncomfortable. "Come on, take this off."

Tony's smile widens. "My, how forward of you, Doc. Middle of the day like this, someone could walk in any moment."

Rolling his eyes, Steve just tugs harder. "You know what I mean. Come on, get in dry clothes." 

"I am so confused right now," Tony says, tone teasing. "Getting me into clothes, it's like the Earth is spinning the wrong way."

"Do it fast enough so we can get out of here and get something to eat before the good stuff is gone, and I'll consider taking them off again later tonight."

It makes Tony laugh, which was the goal, and Steve can't resist taking him into a hug. After a second of surprised stiffness, Tony relaxes into it with a shudder, melting in his arms. Jesus, he's been through so much, and Steve feels guilty about enjoying holding Tony like this when it's only possible because of his trauma. 

"Tell me they're dead or in prison," Steve demands, after a couple of seconds. "Those terrorists. Tell me they paid for what they did to you. Lie if you have to."

Tony sighs, burrowing a bit closer. "No lies needed. When I left with my Dad's mercenaries, they were all dead."

"Good," Steve says viciously, probably uncharitably. He tightens his hold and kisses Tony's hair. "I'm glad."

"Yeah," Tony says. "Same."

They don't talk after that, and Steve just holds on, and he will as long as Tony will allow him.

****

After months and months of learning about the spaceship and the International Space Station's systems, spacewalks, medical, language, and science experiment training among other things, the time for a final selection for Nerio's two-person crew has come. Fury decides to announce his choice by meeting individually each of the twelve candidates, in alphabetical order. Quite unnecessarily dramatic, in Tony's opinion, they are lined in the corridor leading to his office, like a bad flashback of a prank war gone wrong at boarding school, waiting their turn. He would have preferred that Fury would rip the band-aid off, in a way, through a public announcement even though it would be more embarrassing if Tony wasn't selected. 

It's probable that Fury asks each person that comes out of his office after getting the news to keep their expression as neutral as possible, so not to spill the beans prematurely to the others, but some candidates are better actors than others. Barton comes out mumbling and scowling, which is pretty telling. Most of them - like Helen Cho - have blank faces, which is probably good news for Tony too. No, everything is going according to plan, because Tony needs one of these spots for himself.

Alphabetical order is a bitch for the suspense, and when it's Steve's turn to enter Fury's office, Tony is probably as nervous as he is. Even though they have a complicated almost-friends-with-benefits relationship where one day they seem close and the other it's like they are just strangers fucking, Tony finds himself wishing more than anything that Steve and him are the ones selected. It would not be the end of the world if Tony would go with someone else, and if it has to happen he's plenty friendly with several other candidates, including Storm that is fidgeting by his side, and Quill who came out sauntering a couple of minutes ago (though that doesn't mean a thing because Peter is a show off no matter what, so Tony dismissed it. Peter is gifted and will go to space, of that Tony is convinced, but not this time). But Tony likes to think he has a bit of objectivity left, and of all the candidates of this promotion, Steve is the best and it would be fun to go to space with him.

Steve stays in Fury's office just as long as the candidates before him, but Tony wonders if he even breathes during those five minutes. When he comes out, Tony scrutinizes his face, set to serious, but there's a relaxation to his shoulders and a shine to his eyes that almost screams that he just had the best news ever. Even Johnny notices, because he grumbles a "ah, dammit!" by Tony's side. Steve looks sideways at Tony, and yeah, he's got it even though he's trying so hard not to let it show. 

_Told you,_ Tony mouths and Steve rubs his nose to badly hide a smile as he walks past them. 

It's another two persons before it's time for Tony to step in Fury's office at his turn. The man is sitting behind his desk, chin resting on steepled hands. Just by the attitude and the way Fury is observing him, Tony knows that he can still lose his spot if he doesn't play this right. Tony worked very hard to convince Fury that he should be considered as a candidate in the first place, and an argument that Fury had made time and time again was that he wasn't sure if Tony was enough of a team player. Individualism and ego had no place in NASA, and that Tony would never make it in space if he didn't learn to play with others, genius or not, even if his propulsion system was revolutionary. Time to show some team spirit, then.

"Good call, for Rogers," Tony says, sitting down in the chair in front of Fury.

"I don't know why you are saying that," Fury replies.

Tony chuckles. "Come on, the guy has absolutely no poker face."

Fury sighs, sitting back against his chair. "True. So yes, Steve will be my man for Mars."

"I think he's the right fit for it," Tony says, sincerely.

Fury tilts his head sideways. "You two argue a lot."

"True." God, they've had epic showdowns that probably fed the Johnson Space Center's gossip grapevine for days. "But we work extremely well together too."

"It has been noted." Fury stares at him and Tony, who has experience with hostile mergers and a disapproving Pepper, almost fidgets under the scrutiny. He waits it on, until Fury is the one who speaks again. "You are extremely gifted, Stark. No one can deny it, you've performed even over our expectations through the Advance Training Program"

That's good to hear. Tony is pretty sure that they were expecting him to perform in theoretical and practical contexts, but that he managed to surprise them with the physical stuff. No one really sees him coming: they expect a lab rat because brains isn't supposed to come with too much fitness. 

"Glad to hear it," Tony says. Pointedly does not add 'I told you so'. 

It hasn't escaped his attention that Fury didn't confirm his spot yet.

"I asked Steve whom his first choice as a teammate would be, if he was the one making a decision - which let's be clear, he is not."

It shouldn't make Tony nervous, because there are days Steve told him directly to his face that he was impressed, but he worries nonetheless. Steve has worked with NASA forever, and has known some of these people for a long time, like Dugan and Morita.

"And?" Tony prompts.

"He said you. Not one second of hesitation."

Tony tries not smile, but it's a lost cause. "He's got good taste."

Fury smirks in return. "I'll have to agree, because I happen to have come to the same decision." He extends a hand to shake. "Congratulations, Tony."

The relief and joy are heady, and Tony's grinning as he shakes Fury's hand with enthusiasm. "Thank you. You won't regret this."

"I sure hope not. Go dress up in your NASA exercise gear, with the jacket, and there's a press conference at two, in the media room," Fury says. "Now wipe that grin off your face and get out of here. I have hearts to break."

"Yes Sir."

He's so unsure that he can make a blank face, even though he has had countless practices over the years, that Tony decides to deflect by looking annoyed. He doesn't want to rub his success in Johnny's face, who's been nothing but nice to him over the months - even while being a little shit. If he sell it, that's a whole different thing, but Tony speed walks towards through the corridor to avoid meeting the remaining candidate's eyes. What he doesn't expect is being grabbed by the elbow and pulled into a closet mid-stride when he turns a corner, which make him yelp. It's Steve, who looks momentarily worried until Tony drops the act and smiles.

"Hey there, space buddy!"

Steve's whole face lights up. "That's great news! Congratulations Tony!"

"Thanks. Same to you!"

Steve smiles. "It makes sense. It is a test flight, and you know Nerio better than anyone."

"And I'm sure they picked you for your winning personality alone," Tony teases.

"You know what I mean. Do you want to hear that you're the best of the class?" 

"No need," Tony says. It would pass as an almost humble statement but he deliberately adds some sauce. "I already know."

With a laugh Steve opens the janitor's closet door and lets them out. It's a tad disappointing, Tony wouldn't have said no to a celebratory blowjob.

"Come on, we need to go change for the press conference," Steve says, being the rational person in the situation.

An hour and a half later, and yes, they were distracted for a bit after all, it's almost time. Tony is waiting for Fury to call them in the auditorium and he cannot seem to be able to stop fidgeting. There's quite a murmur inside, and with his experience with the media, Tony knows they came en masse. 

"I can't believe you're nervous about a press conference."

Tony shrugs, smiles at Steve. "I'm used it, but that doesn't mean I like doing them."

"Could have fooled me. You make it look easy," Steve says.

"Practice."

There's no time to worry about the best way to respond when the media eventually try to undermine his participation to the test flight, because Director Fury strides past them, and gestures for them to follow. The flashes start up as soon as they enter the room, and Tony can see Steve slightly recoil; with a little nudge he's back in motion. They sit down at the table set for the press conference, Steve and Tony side by side at Fury's right. 

"Ladies, Gentlemen, thank you for accepting our invitation today. My part of the announcement won't take long." Fury, being the troll he is, takes a sip of water before continuing, the crowd waiting on. 

"So, I am not sure if you are aware of this fact, but there used to be a rule here in NASA stating an astronaut had to be less than five foot eleven tall. Fortunately that changed, because we need the extra inches." There is a round of laughter, that dies down when Fury starts talking again. "Doctor Steven Rogers, sitting at my right, has been selected for the trip to Mars." Several flashes go off, and hands shoot up instead of the reporters shouting all over each other (Fury has trained them well). "Questions and statements in a minute. Before the trip to Mars, though, we will take our new spaceship, Nerio, on a three-week test flight that will bring him and our second new astronaut, Doctor Tony Stark, to the International Space Station, and then the moon." 

He's wished to go to space since he first looked up at the sky, but it's only when he hears Fury doing the official announcement that Tony finally believes it's happening. The camera flashes have started in earnest and it's almost blinding. Steve's leg is jumping under the table, full of nervousness, but fortunately Tony has experience with that sort of things.

"It's an honor to have been selected to be on the flight," he says, bringing the attention on himself. It works beautifully and Steve settles a bit. Fury gives the room permission to speak and Christine Everhart is the first to ask her question. Directly to him, of course.

"Mister Stark. NASA's press release says that Stark Resilient has provided the spaceship with its propulsion system, and the shuttles' exterior paneling and software." Christine has been on Tony's case for years, even before they slept together. That was the set up, so he expects the anvil next.

"That is correct," Tony confirms with a smile. "All three are cutting edge new technologies that will help reach the moon a lot easier than ever before while on the test flight, and then Mars."

"Which we don't doubt. Were those technologies offered for the ship with the condition that you would be selected as a member of the test flight?"

That was to be expected; Tony knows that it's going to hang over his inclusion forever, and he has made his peace with it. He is opening his mouth to reply when Fury does it first.

"Miss, I am going to stop you right there. First, I am the one who selected the two-man crew for the test flight. I am insulted that you're implying that I can be bought."

Christine is smart enough to realize she stepped in a minefield, but cunning enough to gun for a good sound bite too.

"I would never say such a thing, Director," she placates. "But the Space Program's funding has reduced over the years, and we all know how expensive Stark technology can be."

"Quality ain't cheap," Tony quips, making a couple of people titter. 

"Just like every other candidate, Doctor Rogers and Doctor Stark went through the Advance Training Program, and I can assure you that they both more than deserve to be seating at this table. Plus we get to test the spaceship with the person that knows it best technically. I can see only positive on having Doctor Stark on the test flight. They already are damn fine astronauts."

It's a bit funny how Fury insists on calling him doctor. It's probably to give him a more respectful shine, put a bit of focus on the fact he's real smart (which four doctorates at 29 years old spells out). Fury is saying that Doctor Stark deserves a place in a NASA spaceship and that they are not dealing with playboy pain in the ass Tony Stark. But then again, maybe Tony did earn his stripes through training and is now one of the lot for Fury, a doctor among others.

"Thank you, Director Fury," Tony says. "I can assure you that I'm here because I believe in NASA's mission, and not for a publicity stunt. If so, I'd build my own ship and it would say Stark on the hull."

"And you won't enjoy piloting this ship at all," Christine snarks.

"You say that as if I'll steer the thing," Tony jokes at his turn. "I'm telling you right now, I'm way less Captain Kirk than I am Mister Spock in this adventure. Doctor Roger's the tall, blond and handsome one, going where man has never been before. Meanwhile, I'm going to be tech support."

Steve surprises him in speaking up. "You know you're way more than tech support, Tony. I'm not a gambling man, but I would bet pretty much all that I own that you have the highest scores ever gotten by a candidate in Advance Training. He makes this look easy, and us like fools trying to keep up."

"Aww," Tony says, grinning at him. "Thank you Captain!"

"I"m not a Captain," Steve replies, rolling his eyes.

"Well I happen to think it suits you." It's a fun nickname, Tony decides that he'll use it. He's been careful with the endearments around Steve, this can act as a stand-in.

Fury interrupts them. "We'll take a couple more questions for our astronauts, then we'll give you more information on Nerio, our new spaceship."

Tony nudges Steve's feet under the table and smiles. This is really happening, and by the way Steve grins back at him, it's getting real for him too.

**

Time flies after that, a six month that is a blur of media and last-minute specialized training including a three weeks stay in Aquarius off Key Largo. Tony also spends a lot of time obsessing on Nerio, making sure that everything is ready for the launch. When the big day comes at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, lifting up goes perfectly, countdown and all, Nerio in the vertical position that will really test the propulsion system. Tony tested the engines on Stark Resilient rockets that he used to deliver satellites on orbit, and the technology is robust and flawless, no wonder it's a resounding success. They debrief with Houston once in orbit, record a segment live on social media where hundreds of thousands people joining them, and finally there's a lull where Tony unstraps from his seat and experiences real microgravity for the first time. He whoops and does a couple of twirls as he moves around while Steve watches on with an indulgent smile.

"Come on," Tony urges. "You can't say you haven't been looking forward to this!"

Steve's smile stretches into a grin when he unbuckles and floats up too. "It is pretty cool."

It's more than cool, of course. Tony cackles when Steve does a tailspin, and Tony tries to stop him but gets caught in the movement. He winks when they end up against a wall, holding to each other.

"Hey there. Ever heard of the 250 miles high club?"

Tony gets the proof that someone can blush in microgravity when Steve splutters and turns pink. "Radio, Jesus!" he hisses under his breath.

Tony laughs. "JARVIS caught it, didn’t you buddy?"

"I did, Sir."

"In non threatening situations, JARVIS can put us on a buffer. Fury was okay with it, in case we get in one of our famous arguments, he says it wouldn't be good press. I programmed Jay to cut out anything suggestive." Tony wiggles his eyebrows.

"Come on, Tony!" Steve whines, and that's a first, him refusing groping or even kissing. "We're expected to dock to the ISS in less than an hour. Turn the video and sound back on."

"You're no fun," Tony says with a pout. 

It's true, though, they need to get ready. Sighing he asks JARVIS to resume normal diffusion and they, indeed, go through the procedure to join Nerio to the International Space Station, that is currently inhabited with an all women crew. 

Tony's the first to enter the ISS. "Sorry to interrupt the pajamas party!"

"Really, Tony?" Jane says with a roll of eyes, but she comes to hug him anyway.

"I kid, I kid. Always a pleasure to see you, Doctor Foster," he says with a grin as they embrace. 

It's been too long since they've seen each other. In the last couple of years, they only communicated through sending each other scientific journal articles and rifting from them, generally going so much further than the original researcher that they made them cry when they sent their remarks. It's one of Tony's favorite pastime. 

"Same," she says, kissing his cheek. She smoothly shifts to Russian. "Have you met Natasha Romanova before?" she asks, gesturing a stunning red-head closer.

"I didn't have this pleasure, no. Tony Stark," he says, kissing her hand.

Natasha's answering smile is sly. "I've heard about you," she says in English. No trace of Russian accent, at all, which is impressive. Even though he's fluent in Russian, like all astronauts need to be, Tony's pretty sure he'll never shake his own accent.

"Not all bad, I hope!"

But Natasha's attention is shifting behind him, at Steve who has followed.

"Steve!" 

A beautiful brunette who can only be Margaret Carter has glomped Steve, who laughs happily as he returns the embrace. 

"Hey Peg," he says, still holding her close and Tony won't lie, something green and ugly stirs in his stomach at how beautiful they look together. It's obvious they're close. 

Steve meets Tony's eyes and the corner of lips turn up in a teasing little smile. He mouths, _Not my girlfriend. Anymore._

Tony can't help but to chuckle. Touché.

****

It's so great to see Peggy again, though there's a little disconnect that she feels so small in his arms. They'd became friends while they studied together at the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, and then dated for a year. Steve had thought she'd be the one, that they'd spend the rest of their lives together. But then Peggy received a fabulous job offer from the European Astronaut Center in Cologne Germany just as NASA had finally called for Steve. They had tried to make their relationship work for a couple of more months, but it became clearer and clearer that long distance wasn’t what they wanted. The break up had been hard, because Steve genuinely loved Peggy, but they'd left on good terms. 

Once the introductions are over, they manage to have a minute relatively alone, apart from the others. Peggy hits him behind the head. 

"I can’t believe you did something so stupid!" she hisses, obviously referring to the serum.

"Got me here, didn’t it?" Steve asks, and she hits him behind the head again.

"You idiot," she says, though her tone is fond. "I'm glad it worked and that human experimentation didn't go horribly wrong."

Steve grins when he catches the way she is not subtly checking him out. "Like the results?"

Peggy sighs. "I liked you fine before, if you recall. But yes. You are very handsome."

"How have you been doing, Peg?" Steve asks as they move boxes of supply they brought to the ISS with Nerio. 

"Very good, thank you." Peggy opens a hatch where she stocks lab equipment. She throws him a little glance, unusually circumspect. "I'm engaged, getting married when I go back top side."

It might pinch a little, but Steve is genuinely happy for her. "Congratulations. Your fiancé is a very lucky guy."

Peggy smiles, and gets a very soft look on her face. "Thanks. I am too, really. And what about you, Steven, have you got someone special in your life?"

Steve makes a very conscious effort not to look towards the door leading to the compartment with Tony. He's special alright, but even though they are sleeping together on the regular and have done so for more than a year, he can't count it a full relationship. Heck, even when they end up in Steve's room - never the other way around - Tony never spends the night, leaves as soon as he gets his breath back. 

"Not exactly. It's been a busy couple of months."

"I bet." Peggy pats his arm. "I hear arguing, shall we go see what's going on?"

There is indeed very rapid back and forth between Tony and Jane Foster in the adjacent module, who are talking about wormholes. 

"That's not arguing, that's just Tony," Steve says as he floats towards the connecting hatch. "He can't discuss like a regular person." 

He enters the module where Jane and Tony are going over information on a computer while both gesturing emphatically. Steve has read Jane's research and it's fascinating. A Einstein-Rosen bridge, and furthermore the ability to open one would be revolutionary. Tony visibly read on it because the questions he asks make Jane reach for a tablet and stylus and start writing, but Tony steals it to scribble too while they get excited in whatever they are rifting about. Steve stops and watches the show, incredibly endeared. God, Tony is so smart, it's incredible that he can bounce ideas with someone who is at the top of their field of studies, like Jane is, and manage to challenge them. 

"Okay, so that 'not exactly' was totally misleading," Peggy says by his side and he jolts, surprised. "Someone's got a crush."

It isn't even worth denying at this point. Steve sighs wistfully. "Worse."

"Tell him."

Like it could be that simple. Oh, hey Tony, the sex is awesome but it's killing me inside that there isn't more. 

He shakes his head. "No. it’s just…" He pauses, decides to be honest. "We’re sleeping together, but I don't think he wants more. Anyway, I’m going to Mars."

Peggy shakes her head. "You are an idiot."

When Steve comes back from Mars, maybe he’ll risk it. He will have nothing to lose to ask Tony out on a date, see how he reacts. Right now, though, with the test flight and everything that goes with it, among other things being with Tony 24/7 for the next 20 days, he better not make any waves. 

After the ISS, where they stay three days, the next step in the test flight is going to the moon. As in landing on it and be the first people to walk on its surface since Eugene Cernan and Jack Schmitt in 1972. They've trained for that too, countless hours in the simulator, but seeing the moon getting bigger and bigger in real-time makes him, and more surprisingly Tony, practically speechless.

"Do it Cap," Tony says when they are getting in position to land Nerio near the Sea of Tranquility, a spot chosen as an homage to the first moon landing. "But please be gentle with my baby."

"I've got this Tony," he reassures. "And stop calling me Captain, it's disrespectful for the men and women in the service."

"Is not! I would never, you know my best friend is Air Force. No, Steve, a ship has a captain. It's true on the sea, and it's also true in space. So stop arguing with me on this, you're Nerio's rightful captain."

He won't let it go, and said like that it's something Steve finds easier to accept. It's just that in NASA there are a lot of actual soldiers, lots of them Air Force, and he'd been uncomfortable being called Captain when he's never served. No one knows it, save Bucky, but enlisting was something Steve would have considered if he hadn't been so sick growing up. 

"Alright," he concedes, knowing that there is absolutely no way Tony will ever stop calling him Cap or Captain now, judging by the way he grins. In fact, Steve is okay with it if it makes Tony so happy.

"I, for one, want to be called Chief Engineer. How amazing is my ship, huh?"

"It's great, Chief," Steve teases and he revels in the unamused scrunch of Tony's face, who realizes he's played himself there. 

"I changed my mind. Second is fine."

"Nah. I like Chief." 

Steve goes through the sequence to make the ship turn around and slowly lower towards the ground. They'll land belly down on a landing strip when they go down on Earth, but there's no convenient perfectly flat surface here on the moon.

"Nerio, this is Houston. You're making great progress, exactly as scheduled," Captain Danvers from Ground Control says over comms. 

"She handles like a charm," Steve says.

"Of course she does," Tony pipes up.

It helps Steve to remember that they are live on television and the Internet. In fact, it's probably why Carol spoke up, because they were slipping into banter again. If Natasha is to be believed, a quick survey of places she hangs on online even though she's in the ISS makes it clear that the public is eating up Steve and Tony's dynamic even though the establishment is grumbling about lack of seriousness for the occasion. It should mortify Steve that his professionalism is questioned, but it's blatantly untrue. Both him and Tony have worked hard for this, are still doing an excellent job and it's possible to be serious about the mission while having fun too. 

"Easy," Tony says, before starting a reverse countdown of meters until contact. Steve sees the numbers on the display, but that's how they practiced and it's reassuring to hear how calm and collected Tony is. The touchdown is so smooth, they practically don't feel the impact. "And we have touchdown!"

There is cheering on the comm system from Houston. "Congratulations, Nerio!"

Inside the cockpit, Steve and Tony high-five, grinning like loons. 

"How was that, Chief?" He can't help but tease.

Tony laughs, so beautiful, and God, Steve loves him so much. "Perfect, Captain!"

**

There's the obligatory debrief, and they use Nerio's retractable mechanical arms to unload the two vehicles they'll use on the surface. Then they suit up and comes the moment Steve has been looking forward to the most: walking on the moon. He knows he should say something, but in the end he's totally tongue-tied as he reaches the surface. Tony follows and looks at him, eyes wide with wonder and Steve is so glad that they don't have mirror visors like in the past. It's rare to see Tony's face so open and raw, and Steve cherishes that they can share this moment. Even the radio has gone silent in their ear, and the gray surface, the black of space and Earth in the distance is so beautiful that Steve's heart squeezes in his chest. He looks back at Tony, who raises his eyebrow, waiting for him to speak. Steve shrugs, and gestures in a way he hope conveys 'you talk'.

Like many times before, Tony takes him totally by surprise when he starts reciting, looking at him right in the eyes..

Thy beauty haunts me heart and soul,  
Oh, thou fair Moon, so close and bright;  
Thy beauty makes me like the child  
That cries aloud to own thy light:  
The little child that lifts each arm  
To press thee to her bosom warm. 

Though there are birds that sing this night  
With thy white beams across their throats,  
Let my deep silence speak for me  
More than for them their sweetest notes:  
Who worships thee till music fails,  
Is greater than thy nightingales. 

Steve is totally entranced, breathless even, and it's like falling in love all over again. Radio comm stay silent for a moment more, until Carol finally breaks the spell.

"That was beautiful Tony."

"The poem is called 'The Moon', by William Henry Davies," Tony says. "It's breathtaking up here."

"Show us more?"

"Of course," Steve says, snapping out of his trance. 

He has the handheld camera that, relayed by Nerio, allows him to transmit high-definition images. He meticulously prepared a twenty minutes lesson on the West crater where they landed, and its significance for the space program and the first moon landing in 1969. He spans on their ship first, bright and beautiful.

"As you can see, we made sure to land Nerio nose up, so that she is ready for take off in four days. We are 500 meters from where the lunar module Eagle touched down in 69. To my right, you can see the flag put here by the Apollo 11 crew. They had planted it too close to the module and the exhaust turbulence tipped it over when Eagle left the surface. We'll have a ceremony to raise it again in a few day. It's now whited out, having been bombarded with cosmic radiation and the harsh rays of the sun for decades. Out of respect, we'll plant our own flag further away." 

He turns towards Nerio again, expecting to see Tony at work getting the lunar vehicle together - something Steve will go help with when he's finished with the scheduled lesson - but his heart lurches when he's not there. But a second later he can see Tony to his right, bounding around and windmilling with his arms. Steve cannot help a surprised laugh as he films him being a dork.

"And what are you doing?" he asks, smiling wide.

"Having fun, Cap!" Tony quips, laughing at his turn. "Come on, try it! The history lesson is great, but it can wait a minute!"

Steve hesitates, but only for a second. "I wouldn't want to make anyone listening to the video sick. What do you think, Houston?"

Carol's voice is amused. "The comments that are coming in from Twitter are a variation on the theme of "do it!" in all caps, so I say you should risk it."

Steve grins. Yes, the lesson can wait. "Hang on, guys, let's try moving in the moon's reduced gravity!"

"Only 1.622 meters by seconds squared," Tony says as Steve does a few experimental hops, the butterflies in his stomach very real when he goes way higher than he expected. "83.3 percent or 5/6 times lower than Earth, where it's 9.807 meters by seconds squared. We're at 16.5 percent of our Earth weight, here. Wanna set a record in long jump, Cap?"

"Go ahead, and then I'll break your record," Steve says, watching Tony bounding and then jumping with a childlike glee. He waits for a second and follows.

This, without a doubt, is the single most amazing thing that has ever happened in Steve's life.

****

If Tony was given the opportunity to make his life unfurl differently, with one or many do-overs, then he would refuse and go through Afghanistan every single time if it meant it got him here. If that nightmare was necessary for Stark Resilient and space, then it's a price that he accepts. 

Working on Nerio has been one of his best project, and he's so proud of what they managed to do up until now. He's looking forward to the speed tests after they leave the moon, that will prove once and for all Nerio's capabilities. Advance Training has been a great time, where he's met tons of interesting people. Steve… well Steve will always and forever be Tony's weakness, he accepts that. Without meaning to he knows he's on dangerous grounds and getting attached. Being on the moon itself is one hell of a trip. He's still surfing that particular high and frankly he's been horny as hell since they left Earth. No doubt, his libido is definitely awake now and he wants Steve something fierce.

Back in the ship he keeps his cool for excruciating hours, where they offer interviews from the moon to several media outlets, film another short capsule and Tony deploys a couple of robots on the surface of the moon, set to explore either by themselves or through remote control. Tony bides his time until Steve sends a message that they'll catch some z’s since there's a full day of activities planned for the day after. Like a good little astronaut Tony slips in his sleeping bag, but he's got tremors, he's that worked up. He also has a plan and a couple of objects collected in the bag with him especially for it.

Steve ends the transmission, and goes through his bedtime routine before he settles down too. Tony tries to hear if he's relaxed just by his breathing, but unfortunately doesn't have a clue. It's fine, though, it hasn't been long enough for Steve to be asleep. 

"Jay, please enforce the Wind Up Protocol," Tony says.

"Wind Up Protocol engaged," JARVIS replies.

Steve immediately asks, "what is the Wind Up Protocol?"

He sounds worried, which is a sane reaction to have.

"The ship's monitoring is now on a flawless loop." Tony gets out of his sleeping bag and glides to Steve, who watches him approach with wide eyes. Tony bends to kiss him, then pulls away and smiles, "If someone can get hard in microgravity it’s you, right?"

He almost expects being pushed away, but after a second of hesitation Steve grabs the fabric of Tony's t-shirt and pulls him close. The kiss itself feels as if Steve has craved getting close to him too. The floating thing is fun, but Tony has thought about it - of course he did! - and it would be a challenge while having sex. But when there's a will, there's a way and Tony is determined to have sex on the moon with Steve. He even has a suggestion to prevent every movement sending them right or left to bump into things.

"Oh." Steve's eyes are round when Tony takes out the big Velcro straps meant to anchor their sleeping bags. On the ISS they let the bags float, with just a clip so they wouldn't drift too much. They had gone for the same set-up tonight.

"Is that okay with you?"

They've had awesome but no-nonsense sex, the kinkiest being that time when Steve fucked him against a shower wall after a day in the pools. Sort-of-bondage, even by necessity, is not something they even came close to. Judging by the way Steve's pupils dilate, it isn't a problem.

"I could break 'em," Steve says, touching the wide straps with the tip of his fingers.

It's a very specific thing to voice, which makes Tony wonder if Steve would actually enjoy being tied up with unbreakable bonds.

"Good thing they're just to hold you in place, then. I know you're freakishly strong. Which is very hot, by the way." He kisses Steve again, as filthy as he can make it and ends it with a bite to Steve's lower lip. "C'mon, get naked."

He follows his own advice and, after a few acrobatics, they're finally naked and back at kissing. Tony eventually straps Steve across the thighs and the chest to hold him against a flat surface. The wall, in fact, though he's wedged Steve's sleeping bag behind him so it's not too uncomfortable.

"Tighten 'em," Steve orders and fuck, Tony's so turned on he can barely see straight.

He does as requested but doesn't like the way the material digs in Steve's skin. "Are you sure? It's going to scratch you."

"I'm sure." And yeah, judging by Steve's expression, he's extremely into it too. "Come on Tony. I want you."

Tony was right, Steve's cock is rock hard even in these difficult gravity conditions. He should be writing this down for science and the collective knowledge. His own dick is more at a semi, but it's alright, Tony knows he's going to enjoyed getting fucked anyway. He preps himself fast but thoroughly, juggling with the lube that tends to wants to float away, while Steve keeps him close by a firm grip on his hips.

"The things you make me do," Steve murmurs.

"Sex on the moon? That's making you do awesome things." Tony probably would need more stretching, but he's impatient. He rolls down a condom on Steve's cock to help with cleanup, adds more lube, and finally gets in position. The first push confirms he's been a little hasty, but he keeps going. 

Steve curses. "Jesus, Tony, you're so fucking tight."

"You think?" he replies, strangled. By now Steve knows how to play his body like a fiddle and a minute shift, a finger pressing hard at the right place and everything becomes hotter, easier, and they're on with long slow strokes. "God, yes."

The fuck is challenging, Steve being effectively tied down making him growl in frustration a couple of times, but also more forceful which Tony fully appreciates. Sweat beads on his body - even for Steve, by the end - but stays there. He's still not fully hard when orgasm builds, slowly but steadily, and Tony comes with a shout, the sensation different from what he's used to but no less good. Steve follows him over the edge with a deep groan, stilling in him as deep as he can be. Tony catches his come floating around with his mouth and swallows. A little bitter, but effective as clean up methods go. The move makes Steve grumble, which in turn makes Tony giggle.

"You're something else," Steve says, bringing him into a kiss.

Tony grins, pleased with himself. "I know."

As good as Steve looks all tied up, it's time to let him go. Tony frowns at the deep red marks left by the Velcro straps and Steve dismisses his concerns.

"It's nothing, just the curse of fair skin. Won't even show tomorrow."

Tony can't help kissing the mark on Steve's torso, mainly across his ribs and Steve must be getting cold because he's shivering.

"C'mon, let's get back to bed."

They dress up in their sleep gear again, then slide back in their sleeping bags. When Tony judges they're pretty much in the position they were earlier, he speaks up.

"Jay, disengage the Wind Up Protocol."

It's silent as they get back online, and Tony can only stand it a couple of minutes before he has to ask.

"Hey, Jay, everything alright?"

"Certainly, Sir. Nothing of note."

Endorphins still coursing through his body, it should be easy to let go and get to sleep, but it feels a little strange to do it next to Steve. He regulates his breathing, but still covertly looks over at Steve, enjoying the rare treat to see his face going all soft and vulnerable in sleep. At the Johnson Space Center, falling asleep next to Steve is something Tony avoided because, for one, he could have been tempted to cuddle the hell out of the guy which would have been a deadass give away he's not as great as his reputation might say about casual sex, but also because he has a tendency to lack filters when he wakes up. On the ISS, Tony slept in Nerio while Steve stayed with the girls. Tony just hopes he's exhausted enough after this long day and the sex that he'll keep his mouth shut. The last thing he needs is Steve finding out about his embarrassing infatuation.

**

Tony is going over the data available after pushing Nerio to the highest speed he could push her with the protocols in place - she could have taken way more - and he can't believe his eyes. She performed better than anything he thought to hope for.

"You guys are seeing it too, right?" Tony tells Houston.

"Oh, we are," Carol says. "There's like a collective nerdgasm around these parts. Congrats Tony, your propulsion system is the shit."

Tony laughs. "Thanks. I'm glad it's as good for you as it is for me. God, do you know what that means?" 

"One month," Steve says, and Tony turns to him with a smile. Steve is putting on his space suit, to do the first walk outside. He's to do a visual check of the propulsion system, just in case, because the protocol says so. Judging by how it barely strained being pushed, Tony is sure that Steve won't see anything out-of-place. "The speed we reached means that it will take one month less to go to Mars and come back."

A rough estimate, but not wrong. A man who is both gorgeous and super smart is so sexy. Tony grins. "Yeah. And she can go even faster than that."

"Let's start by checking that everything is fine with what we just did first," Steve says.

Tony goes over, helps him put on his gear all the way and does the requisite inspection on Steve's suit before he deems him ready to go. It's their first official EVA walk, apart from the moon, and it's scheduled to last half an hour. 

"Don't wander off," Tony jokes.

"No dear," Steve quips. "I'll be right back."

Tony goes back to the computer to continue the data analysis and internal diagnostic as Steve gets out of Nerio, the ship working flawlessly as always. He keeps an eye out for Steve on the monitors and a distracted ear as he lists out loud the control points in a litany that is a variation 'it all checks out'. God his ship is awesome.

"Shit."

Tony hears the curse just as alarms start blaring both by sound and by red lights flashing in the cockpit and on the screen that monitors Steve's vital. Tony's heart does a triple flip, worry slamming into him from one second to the next.

"Steve!" he cries out, jumping towards the computer. 

"Critical malfunction in the EVA suit," JARVIS relays. "Temperature control module failure, losing heat rapidly."

Jesus. Space is at minus 270 degree in the shade like Steve is now, there's no time to lose. 

"Oh, fuck-" Steve's voice is shocked but eerily calm.

"Steve, come on, hurry back in!" Tony yells. He has minutes at most before the insulation from the suit isn't enough to keep the body heat that is left and Steve goes into hypothermia. Less than that of effective cognizance where Steve can move with purpose.

"No ti- no time," Steve says, and fuck, Tony can hear his teeth shattering. 

"Nerio, report!" Comes Danver's voice and Tony feels like punching the screen. It's so not the time, Houston knows what is going on. Ground control has both inside and outside cameras, plus they have live feed of Steve's vital - oh, shit, his internal temperature is falling fast. Too fast. 

"Shut up! Steve, Steve you've got to come back _now!_ " Tony yells, hurrying to his own suit. God he hates those things, and he did even before the pool incident. He knew it, knew they were crap!

"Stark, stop right now. Stay at your post," Danvers orders.

"To- no. No no no. Stay." Steve's voice is slurry for God's sake, and if at first he was making his way back to the hatch, even jumping from one hold to the next, he has slowed down to a crawl and is still far from the re-entry point.

"Shut up, I'm coming to get you," Tony says, probably breaking a record time in suiting up. 

"No. Sa--fe. Please."

As if. He's touched by the sentiment, he really is, but fuck that noise.

"Stark, it's too dangerous. You stay in the ship." Danvers again.

"Steve, talk to me," Tony asks, ignoring her completely.

"Sorry." It's tiny, almost a whispers and Tony feels as if he's going into hypothermia too, dread settling in the middle of his stomach. Steve's pulse has slowed down dangerously.

"Hey, no, I do not accept that. Or better yet, tell me when I get you in and warmed up, okay?" No answer, and Tony's fingers fumble with one of the clamp sealing his suit. "Steve?"

The heart monitor flatlines and Tony almost loses his mind. "Steve! Steve!" he yells, panicking. He's punching the codes to open the door to the hatch leading outside, cursing at how slow it is. Design flaw, he has to improve this.

"Stark, this is Director Fury. Don't you dare go out." 

Makes sense that Fury intervenes, but there's only one answer to that.

"Director Fury, this is Stark: kiss my ass." 

He's not going to leave Steve outside like this! He's got to help.

Even his AI seems to be a hindrance because the vacuum sequence in the hatch does not engage, even though the right code is entered. "Sir, I must-"

"JARVIS, I am going out and that's the end of it. Obey or I use manual release." He'll tear the door apart with his own two hands if needed. "Also you're this close to being deactivated forever."

"The delay is due to Ground Control attempting to take charge of the systems. I have activated the firewalls, and vacuum sequence should start in ten seconds," JARVIS states and that's more like it.

"Sorry for doubting you Jay," Tony apologizes. "Fury, let my ship alone!"

"It's my motherfucking ship, Stark!" Fury yells. "That AI of yours shouldn't be on it at all. Stay in the goddamn ship, we can't risk-"

"Fuck you," Tony interrupts as the drain of the hatch finally happens. "I know _your_ fucking ship would be stranded in space if this fucking terrible Hammertech suits craps out on me, but I don't care."

"The ship? It's you I am thinking about!"

"Well I am out," Tony says. "JARVIS, put Houston on mute for the moment." 

The abrupt silence is proof enough it's done, and Tony knows he's going to get an epic dress down for this. He doesn't need more stress right now, he has to get to Steve. He hooks up his safety line and gets out of Nerio, making his way towards the belly of the ship. Before he stopped moving, Steve was a good fifteen meters away and Tony's already fragile heart lurches when he spots him floating roughly where expected. He makes his way over as fast as possible.

"Come on, Steve, don't do this to me," Tony murmurs. 

He doesn't want to think about how Steve's heart stopped. But it's been only a couple of minutes. The suit has had a temperature regulation problem, maybe the sensors are malfunctioning too and Steve isn't as cold as it showed on the screen. Tony is sensing the symptoms of the start of a panic attack closing down on him, his breath coming short and his eyesight is blurry. Worst timing in the world and he refuses to let his body betray him like that. He focuses on getting to Steve, and kicks off Nerio to catch him from behind, arms around Steve's torso. 

"I've got you Baby," he says, so fucking scared he's shaking with it. A look through Steve's visor and it's like the world stops. Steve's eyes are closed, and his skin is not just pale, it's tinged blue. 

Tony's heart shatters.

****

He was cold, so cold, but now there is heat and it hurts. It might be worse, and he wants to scream but it becomes too much until he's swallowed by darkness. It still hurts the next time Steve fights the fog in his head, and he wants to move but can't do anything, not even open his eyes. The first input from the outside world comes by sound.

"- find Justin Hammer and I will kill him, no I will make him suffer." 

It’s Tony. Tony is okay and the relief that goes through Steve at that is immense. 

"I’ll help." 

Oh, that's Peggy. Peggy knows how important Tony is to him. She’ll make sure he’s okay. Reassured, Steve barely fights it when the blackness comes to take him back under again.

"- know is why you keep doing this to me? Do you like it when I suffer? That must be it. Come on, Steve, you’ve got to be okay."

Tony again, and look at that he called him Steve. He loves how it sounds, he has wanted him to do it since they've seen each other again but Tony never did. Not until… Oh, the spacewalk. Steve doesn't want to think about that, how scared he was. But there is a little comfort in the fact that when it all went to shit, Tony did call him Steve. 

He's so tired. Maybe if he doesn’t move Tony will call him Steve again.

"It’s already a miracle that you’re alive, but you’ve got to come back. I know nothing about that freak experiment you had done on yourself. That might have been nice to be aware of, by the way. Being able to survive being frozen solid is impressive as shit, but it doesn't mean jack squat if you don't wake up. Come on Steve. Come on Steve, come on." Tony's voice cracks and Steve hates it, hates the pain that is right there. "Look, I don’t care if you didn’t write to me after Space Academy and broke my heart, okay? I’m over that. I need you now."

And wow, talk about coming out of left field, but Steve is confused. What does Tony mean, that he didn’t write?

"Did," he manages to slur.

"What, what? Steve?" Steve feels a squeeze on his hand and he tries, the best he can, to return it. Then there's a caress that pushes his hair off his forehead, so tender it does wonders to warm him up even more. "Steve, Sweetheart, can you hear me?

Steve opens his eyes, and there is Tony. A bit blurry, out of focus, and he kind of looks like hell. He's still the most beautiful person in the universe, though.

"I did. I wrote. Five times."

Tony’s jaw falls open in shock, and then he looks so furious that Steve recoils.

"It's true!"

With an apologetic expression Tony bends down to kiss his forehead. "No, no, I’m not angry at you Baby, I believe you."

Good. Not only is Tony calling him by his first name, he's graduated to pet names that aren't 'Captain', 'Big Guy' or 'Stud'. Almost worth the pain. Steve relaxes and maybe he could milk the almost death thing and coax Tony to kiss him again, but he's straightening up, muttering to himself.

"Oh God. So many murders in my future. I can’t believe he did this to me." Tony now has his phone in his hand, punches a number and brings it to his ear.

Steve looks around, boggles a bit when he realizes where they are. "Are you calling someone from the space station?"

"Of course. My satellite is, like, right out the window," Tony says with a small gesture. "This cannot wait," he adds, grinding his jaw. Visibly, the person on the other side of the phone picked up because Tony starts talking. "Howard." 

Ah. Tony's father then. After a slight pause Tony pinches the bridge of his nose. "No, I’m not back, which you’d know if you watched the news." The conversation is choppy, and Steve can only hear one side of it. "Yes I know you’re busy, this won’t take long. I’ve got a question. Remember when I went to Space Academy?" Tony rolls his eyes, mouths _blah blah blah_ as he gets an answer. "After. Why did you not give me Steve’s letters?" Pause. "Yes, yes it’s important!" He starts yelling. "Why the fuck did you intercept my mail? No I won’t watch my language."

Steve tries to reach for Tony, wants to calm him down. He understands what happened and he’s angry too, and so fucking frustrated about all the heartache they both suffered from it. But it’s history and not worth Tony getting into a fight with his father, not after all this time. Visibly Tony has no problem being confrontational, though.

"Bullshit, making sure I wasn’t distracted. I was fourteen years old! Could you not let me be happy, for once in my life? It was the gay thing, right? Admit it!"

This time, Steve can hear Tony’s father yell back. "I wouldn’t let you tarnish the Stark name with childish experimentation!"

Tony looks strangely vindicated in the silence that follows while on the contrary Steve’s blood pressure is climbing. Tony makes his voice falsely sweet when he speaks up next.

"From the bottom of my heart, Dad, fuck you," he says, and then hangs up.

Only then does he look at Steve and there is so much pain in those big brown eyes. "I hate him. I hate him so much. I am so done."

Steve takes a deep breath and tries to let go of his own anger. "You cannot kill him."

"Oh, I am thinking about it," Tony says, readjusting the sleeping bag around Steve. 

"You cannot kill him because I might do it first," Steve says and that makes Tony smile, which was the goal. "No, seriously, no killing. I can’t date you while you’re in jail." He purposely says date instead of fuck.

Of course Tony picks that up. He's one of the most intelligent men in the world after all. "Yeah? Dating?" 

He's smiling, too. Steve thinks he also looks hopeful.

Steve nods. Almost dying – or dying for a bit – realigns things. When it got cold in his suit and he knew that was it, that he was done for, not confessing his feelings had been his number one regret. Who cares if he’s going to Mars? He’ll come back. And he wants this - Tony, this relationship - too much. "As much as I love the sex, this has been killing me, Tony. I love you."

"I love you too," Tony says immediately, a look so fond on his face it's all Steve wants to see for the rest of his life. "I thought, for a bit, that I’d have to live without you and that’s just not acceptable." He bends down to place a soft kiss on Steve's lips and follows it by a brilliant smile that means the world. "I am so, so glad you are okay. And from now on, you don’t use, heck you don’t even LOOK at tech that I haven’t designed myself."

If that makes him happy… Steve smiles indulgently. "Whatever you say, Tony."

"Okay, I need to call Fury." Tony takes out his phone again, and belatedly Steve thinks of the cameras in the ISS. Shit. Did Houston just have an earful of their personal business? The little cameras Steve knows to look for don't show any red lights, though.

"Cameras are off," Tony confirms. "Privacy, and they can kiss my ass if they aren’t happy. Hey, Director Fury!" Tony makes a visible grimace. "No, I am not sorry I cut the show. Steve’s health is not a reality series." It's fascinating to see the expressions he keeps making, like rolling his eyes. "Even though you have no sound and no image, the health monitors recorded his vitals, so you know he’s better. Say hi, Steve!"

Holds up the phone, makes a gesture.

"I am fine, Director Fury," Steve says dutifully.

Satisfied Tony goes back to the phone. "Yes, yes, of course we’re all relieved. I wasn’t calling for that. Or not just that. I just want to warn you about the new plan." Tony pause, winks at Steve. "Yes, yes there’s a new plan, because I’ll do it with you or without you, and you want me to do it with you, believe me." He lets Fury rant, a little smile on his face. He reaches for Steve hand, and laces their fingers. "Clearly, Nerio needs a two person crew in case of emergencies. So when you send Steve to Mars? I’m going too."

Maybe Steve should be annoyed that he wasn’t consulted on this. But all he can think about is that they’ll be together and get to go where no one has gone before, be the first men on Mars like they dreamed as kids, and he smiles back. 

He does like that plan. The fatigue is coming back, making Steve drowsy. At least his body isn't hurting as much anymore. He blinks and when he reopens his eyes Tony is hovering over him, looking worried. Steve missed the end of the phone call, then.

"Are you okay?" 

"Better. Tired." Words are like taffy in his mouth.

"Of course. You rest now," Tony says, tucking him in with a blanket Steve had not even noticed.

Maybe Steve can milk the sympathy card. "With me?"

"God, those puppy eyes are lethal. Fine." Tony puts on a show as if stretching at Steve's side and embracing him not to float away is a favor, but he's hanging on tighter than needed and he kisses Steve's temple several times. He might be shaking, too, but if Steve were to guess it's relief and not cold. 

Steve is drifting off, getting warmer and more comfortable by the second, when Tony whispers. "Of course with you. Always with you."

Content, Steve allows himself to dream of the stars.

 

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> As said in the notes at the beginning of the fic, I had the chance to work from a fantastic piece of fanart from Wolviecat that immediately grabbed my muse and ran. She was an absolutely fantastic RBB partner and drew _even more_ as the draft shaped up. I cannot thank you enough, dear, it was a pleasure working with you! Thank you a million times! 
> 
> Please go see the art [on AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11063217/) and [Tumblr](http://wolviecat.tumblr.com/post/161316136769/my-illustration-for-captain-americairon-man) and give her all the kudos and comments she deserves :)
> 
> As I said at the beginning, I had to make shortcuts… not to lift the veil too much, but if [Advanced Space Academy](http://www.spacecamp.com/space/advancedacademy) does exist for 15-18 years olds, it's 1 week not 3, and it's located in Alabama and not in Houston. Speaking of Houston, astronauts in training probably don't live in tiny rooms at the [Johnson Space Center (JSC) ](https://www.nasa.gov/centers/johnson/home/index.html), and you cannot skip basic training Tony, sorry. And so on, and so forth. Subjects for classes listed in the fic are real, though (and only a fraction of the real thing), and I assure you that the men and women that go through the 4 and plus years of training needed to go in space have all of my admiration. 
> 
> Fun fact? A [propulsion device](http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/emdrive-finnish-physicist-says-controversial-space-propulsion-device-does-have-exhaust-1565673) that could take a ship to Mars in 10 weeks might actually exist!!!! (exciting!)
> 
> Also I borrowed the subject of Bruce's research from Doctor Gregory Nelson of the Loma Linda University (I hope he doesn't mind), so if you want to read more about "Charged Particle Radiation and Resultant Oxidative Stress Elicit Deleterious Functional Changes in the Central Nervous System", you can [follow the link ](https://taskbook.nasaprs.com/publication/index.cfm?action=public_query_taskbook_content&TASKID=9956) ;)
> 
> And final note, a [Rimac Concept One](http://www.rimac-automobili.com/en/supercars/concept_one) is a very expensive electric car. As in 980 000 $ expensive. Tony you show off. 
> 
>  
> 
> Pardon the info dump! 
> 
> Thank you to the cap-ironman mods for a fantastic challenge, and for accommodating my schedule when I had problems claiming my posting date. I appreciate it so very much! Also all my love to my friend Jaydblu for the beta <3 <3
> 
> I can be found on [Tumblr](http://gottalovev.tumblr.com/), asks and more are always welcome!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)
> 
> <3


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